A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I currently have a boyfriend and have been with him for over two years. However about mid last month I had a situation with someone I worked with. It was during a work night out, I was only working there temporarily and don't anymore. Anyway as the night went on he and I flirted a lot together and I noticed him staring at me frequently in a flirty way. by about 3 in the morning there were only a few of us left out. He said he would walk me home and we chatted laughed a lot. We had to walk through a park to get to where I lived and I felt we were walking closer and closer together. Then he held my hand, didn't say anything for a few seconds, my heart was pounding. Then I turned and looked at him and we kissed, made out. Anyway during the walk through the walk we kissed a lot and talked. He kept calling me stunning and said how he liked me from when I started working and thought I was stunning. He said that he felt that we had been giving each other looks and hoped he wasn't wrong, I said I felt the said. We kissed a lot and it took a long time to go through the park, he pushed me onto the grass and made out with me. We didn't do anymore than just kiss. But he wanted to come back to mine or me to his but I said I couldn't as I had to work the next day ( it was also my time of the month otherwise I probably would have gone back with him). Anyway I told him that he couldn't come back to mine as its my boyfriends flat. He seemed to react a little when I sai that but not much, he said something like 'why are we doing this?' And I said because I like you. He kissed me again and I asked what he wanted to do about it, he said he didn't want to rush things but wanted to see me again and again and again and that we had to remain normal at work but that it was going a few weeks left. He walked me home and before I left he made sure to give me his number and to get mine. After that night we didn't see each other until a few days at work but we did text a little and everything seemed fine. The next time I saw him was a few days after in work but didn't get a chance to talk as I was on a late shift and he was on a early but he looked my way when he was leaving. He text me later in the day saying he was sorry that he didn't really see me and that he has felt like a dick the last couple of days and that he should've asked what was going on with me before anything happened and getting in between people is he last thing he wants to do. I didn't see him the next day as he went home ill before I started work but he texted me saying he was ill and he will still talk to me and I have nothing to get down about but it isn't a situation we can get into again and that he should have been more responsible in the first place. This all seemed a bit out of the blue and he wouldn't talk about it in person at work. I asked him if he would talk to me about it but he kept saying he refuses to go over it again, but we had never went over anything. He wouldn't say if he was if he was lying when I asked about if what he said before was a lie or if he meant it (about liking me and stuff) just kept avoiding answering it and looking at me directly. After this he started avoiding me at work and hardly talked to me, it was noticeable as before he talked to me quite a lot and now it was only me he didn't talk to. It made me feel like shit. After about a week of this I confronted him when there was no one around at work and asked are you doing this because you don't want to get between two people or because you don't like me at all? He avoided the question and didn't answer and starting walking away. In the evening I texted him saying it wasn't a hard question to answer and he replied that the answer was both, that he didn't feel the same way as I do. That he tried to give us space rather than avoid you but that he needs that space now. He said he isn't going to meet me to go over it, it's just the way he feels. That you know how it's like to not like someone there isn't a singular reason it's just the way you feel and that he has said everything he needs to say now. He said that he a text message. In person he always avoided questions.After that work went as normal, though a few times I saw him looking at me but then he would look away and i finished workig a few days after that. He doesn't reply to any of my texts anymore not even the merry Xmas one. I saw him New Year's Eve at a party and he didn't completely ignore me as we chatted a little.Then didn't see him again until a few days ago as it was a met up with people from work. He pretty much ignored me the whole night and seemed to talk to everyone but me. Though I caught his eye a couple of times. At one point I tried dancing with him but it only lasted about a minuted as he pulled his hand away.I don't know what to think as he seemed to genuinely like me but now he just ignores me and says he doesn't. What do you think? Is there anything I can do? Does he like me but he is hiding it or simply doesn't like me anymore? Do men's feelings change that quickly? The thing with my boyfriend is I like him but I don't know if its sort of died down. Sorry it's long
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (21 January 2013):
Was he drunk? Anything someone says while drunk should be taken very lightly.
Also, as stated, be a responsible adult and quit cheating on your boyfriend. Either break up or be faithful. Just because the spark is gone doesn't mean you should be cheating on him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Dump your boyfriend. The fact you've written so much about someone who is a stranger in comparison to your partner shows you don't want him.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 January 2013):
 You asked him what was going on, and he gave you the answer - what more do you need?! You said yourself "he replied that the answer was both" - I dont think I can make it any clearer than what he has told you:
1. He is not interested in getting involved with a girl who has a boyfriend. You are not going to find many guys who are happy to be the 3rd wheel, and cheating just isnt cool. Chances are he lost A LOT of respect for you there are then when he found out about your boyfriend, you went from the pretty nice girl to the untrustworthy cheating girl.
2. He doesnt like you as much as you like him, and doesnt want to get involved with you. Why have his feelings for you cooled off so much? Well this is probably because he has found out you are a cheat, which means he is never going to want to get with a girl that makes out with other guys behind his back (and would sleep with them if it werent that time of month). Plus he doesnt want to get brought in the middle of your failing relationship, he isnt going to want to run the risk of your boyfriend coming after him when he finds out, or you playing him off against your boyfriend - 3 is definitely a crowd in this situation. And one other possibility, when he wanted you t go back to his, this shows he was thinking he was going to get you into bed, so when you said no he lost interest.
If you combine a girl who wont give a guy sex right away, with a girl who is cheating and messes guys around - that creates a girl who is more trouble than she is worth!
You were right not to go back to his place, because it could well be that he was just after sex, and lost interest when he found out you werent giving him sex - but this is counteracted by the fact you were going to give him sex if it were not for your period. So you would have given it away easily, without a second thought for your poor old boyfriend.
So is there anything you can do? Well, yes. SORT YOUR RELATIONSHIP OUT!!! Forget about other guys you have crushes on, you are supposed to be in a long term serious boyfriend and you are treating him like a piece of crap, your 2 years together clearly mean nothing to you and you are happy to go around like a dog on heat making out with any guy who shows you the slightest bit of interest.
Try and find an ounce of decency and look at your relationship, if it has died down and its not working then dont drag it on any longer. Cheating is not the answer, having 2 boyfriends at the same time is not the answer - if you dont want to be with the boyfriend anymore then end it, its not fair on him to remain committed to a girl who doesnt want to be with him and is rolling around in the grass with random guys.
Once you have ended your relationship then you are free to do what you want with whoever you want. But until then stop being so silly and try not to hurt people who have stuck by you for years. It is not cool to cheat, you are just hurting people in the process and no guy is going to find you appealing anymore once he finds out that there is a guy waiting at home for you.
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