A
female
age
30-35,
*3chelciemarie
writes:Hey guys! Hope everyone is well :)I recently entered into a new relationship. We've been "dating" for the last 2 months, and official for the last month. We have also already entered the "I Love You" phase. Everything moved very quickly, but it just kind of felt right. Although I was concerned myself, since they say quick moving relationships are red flags, I still didn't stop it, and didn't feel I needed to. Little back story: we both work in the same bar, same age, both in pretty transitional areas in life, and also both of us have ended long term relationships. My 6 year relationship ended a year ago, his 3 year ended in July. The only red flag I have noticed is how much he is into me. Not that this is completely bad, and I recognize how sometimes we can get used to being treated badly as the norm. But his interest can seem a bit over the top. It's strange because it seems to just hit the surface , or lies in between acceptable and out there behavior towards me. It never really tips the edge because I can tell and feel he genuinely cares for me through his actions and honesty. (Also we are very open and honest about our pasts, and so far communicate any issues/problems/etc.) Where I am confused is from a recent incident. I am bartender, and when my BF is done with his shift in the kitchen, he will a lot of the time come out to the bar and wait until I'm done. While sitting at the bar, there have been multiple times where he has overheard/or witnessed male regulars comment on my breast size. (I have small boobs). Saying things like "She'd be so hot with boobs, or She doesn't have the boobs for this industry." Every time, my BF becomes very offended by these comments, and can't stop talking about how mad they make him. He'll say things like: "It really upsets me that these jerks are saying this stuff about you, if only they knew how amazing you are. You're such a great person and it hurts me to see people say those things about you." He also kept telling me how beautiful I was and how beautiful he knows I am., Normally, I wouldn't really have cared about these comments from strangers, but I couldn't understand why my BF was so upset bout them. It kind of felt like he was convincing himself what he was saying. I don't want to think it was that, but IDK it's rubbed me the wrong way that he is SO unhappy with something that happened to me. Like is he trying to convince himself what he is saying? Why is he taking it so personally? And finally, should I be concerned about his reaction? He honestly could not let it go, and just made me feel a little confused. I don't really know what to think. Please let me know your thoughts. Anything is greatly appreciated, thanks!
View related questions:
boobs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2018):
 I don't think the whole "upset about boob comments" is a red flag. Someone talks smack (one way or another) about your partner I think it's pretty natural to be protective and not liking it.
I would, however, MAKE sure he knows you don't give a SINGLE F about the comments these men made as the guys AND their comments are irrelevant to you. And while he is trying to make SURE that YOU don't feel bad about the comments, he needs to just ignore the comments too, JUST like you. Tell him when it comes to men like that (the men who think it's appropriate in any way to comment on a woman's boob size)... you can't fix stupid.
I do agree with N91 that a month in, it seems a BIT too soon with "I love you", because like he pointed out, YOU really don't know each other THAT well... yet.
The over the top attention and affect - otherwise known as "love-bombing" is something you need to be aware of and pay attention to.
As for HOW into you he is, if it makes your "spider senses" tingle, then keep an eye on it. And remember YOU can set some boundaries as well. Like if he wants you to text him or he calls a lot when not together, or whatever it is.
You obviously have seen bad behavior before and thus is a bit more on guard for potential stuff. Which is good, but so is addressing things you are not OK with. And accepting that he might just BE an affectionate guy.
Go slow. You can't hurry love.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 December 2018):
 It would bother me more if my date didn't react. It is a sign that your date is concerned about your feelings. His male protective instinct came in, and it's especially needed in the type of place you work. I think you have to honestly ask him if he can accept your work as a bartender because it bothers him. I don't know about you, but I would prefer a guy who looks out for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2018): Be careful with love bombing. I agree this coyld lead to obsessive behavior and heartbreak. It sounds like lust not love. Be careful. Also maybe he thinks youre insecure so hes acting the white knight when in reality you dont need reassurance about your body
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (30 December 2018):
 I’ll start by saying you’re not in love with each other. If im reading it correctly you’ve been a couple for a month and you think you’re in love? You barely know each other. You’re right in saying that it’s a huge red flag when people say they’re in love after a short period. It shows clingy, possibly obsessive behaviour. How can you love someone that you don’t know? It doesn’t make any sense.
You need to apply the brakes here big time. Sounds like he’s going to be proposing by next month at this rate. You yourself have doubts, LISTEN TO THEM!
If these comments are being made don’t phase you then tell him. Let him know that you find it odd that he’s so bothered by it when you’re not finding it offensive. I can see it from his perspective that he’s upset that people are name calling his GF, but if it’s not bothering you then it shouldn’t be bothering him either.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 December 2018):
 I think it’s nice that he’s saying that - he’s trying to build you up and seems to be truthful that he feels that way about you. I’d like a boyfriend to say things like that if people were saying mean things to me. That said, maybe it’s too soon for him to be quite so vocal about it? I don’t know, up to you, but a boyfriend saying that is nice, not bad :)
...............................
|
