A
female
age
41-50,
*oveGoddess
writes:My boyfriend and I have been through ups and downs. We just started semi-living together. We stay together 3-4 times a week. He lost his job a few months ago and is just getting by with the unemployment that he receives. In some ways, he is very kind and considerate, but in other ways, he is very childish and irresponsible. He owns a car, but wants a new one. I drive a sports car and he has borrowed it in the past. He likes driving it just as I do. Now, he has come into some money and wants to buy himself a sports car. He is still unemployed and I don't understand how someone in his position could even think about buying a new car (he will spend all of the money that he has right now). He has asked me to borrow my car again, and I feel that he is putting me in a difficult position by asking. My job requires driving and meeting clients and it is difficult to drive his car (I have to sit on a book to reach the petals!!). Once I told him no, he has started pouting like a child. I consider myself very financially responsible and I don't know if we are compatible. It bothers me that he thinks this way about money. Is this a sign of things to come?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): The past is the past.
You have no right to judge him for what he did before you were together.
What he did makes him the person you love today.
If you let someone's past get in the way of having a future with them then you never really loved them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): Your flag indicates that you are in the U.S. I'm afraid that in your country financial irresponsibility is just part of the culture. Just relax and accept your lot. Your boyfriend is just doing his part to maintain the country's tradition of spending more than it earns on stuff it doesn't really need. Without guys like him, poor China, Japan and India would be nothing.
But don't despair, if indeed you find that he gets you into much trouble with debt, the government will swing in and rescue you both in the end with the help of money from other savers' pockets. Especially if you work for a big investment bank.
Just don't expect to save any cash. It won't be worth much when your generous leaders are done with all their charitable giving.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Yes, and pain will be involved - do NOT continue this relationship w/o him making some MAJOR progress. Your values don't match - find someone who shares yours...My first wife spent every dime and had us $30,000 in debt, spent money all the time and couldn't keep a job, she had 15 in 7 years... one for 4 years...that was the first one..My second wife spends money, but on nice things, and not all the time. We both have great jobs, zero debt (house and cars paid off, no credit card debt) and we're under 50. We have 1/3 of our annual income in cash in the bank... which we could live off for quite a long time if pushed. which way would I want to live...? I was a MESS in the first relationship, working 60+ hours a week, trying to keep things together. She "missed" me, never being home and had an affair. I kicked her to the curb, and a few years later life was fine... and today it's GREAT! You deserve the same thing...
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A
female
reader, adreanlinejunkie  +, writes (1 October 2009):
hiya . ive just been in the exact same realtionship !. HIS irresponsibility had us evicted from are flat !it didnt work out . it was all to much . you could have a serious chat with him ( like i did) but doesnt mean to say anythin will change. no one can make him be responsible and act like a adult untill he is mature enough to deal with his responsibilitys !.. time will tell
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 October 2009):
Oh yes, this is a sign of things to come. There are two times of people when it comes to money. There are those that are sensible, and those that are not. He's not. He's immmature and hasn;t a clue about money. You need to have a seroious talk with him, because what's he going to be like if you have kids, or if you buy a house?
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 It's possible that with time he will "grow up" and be more mature with his money-habits, but I would never recommend that you "bank" on that (pun intended).
Put your foot down about your car and let him pout. Ignore it. It's childish.
If he buys his sports car, after you've advised that it is unwise and irresponsible (once - never nag) then that is his problem, not yours. If you want, you can let him know before he buys the car that you will not be putting yourself in a difficuly position if he wastes his money on the car and meets with hard times in the future. Then wash your hands of it. That's how I would handle it.
He's a big boy. He can lie in the bed he's making.
Just don't tangle up any of your credit and/or finances with him.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): I would be very cautios about his spending habits. It can considerately complicat your life.
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