A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i broke up with my 16 year old girlfriend today saying my feelings have changed and it has no future basically and we are wasting our time in it...she truly loves me and wanted me in her life by hook or by crook! so after frustrating arguments ,crying and sobbing we decided to break it off though she became too panicky and said she is afraid to lose me...so we decided to remain friends no matter what after taking a small break which even i wanted! she said that the friendship thing is not so convincing and fulfilling to her the way she sees me.......bt we will see to it after the break!before departing, she said that she will be ready to accept me even after 4 years down the line if i wish and wont marry until and unless i marry cuz she cant see me with some other gurl......i didnt mind it but deep inside i really wanted her to move on and keep no hopes from me ...couldnt tell her as i dont want to sound so cruel to her immediately after this trauma as i care for her a lot and she will get devastated! her behaviour has alerted me though...will she come to her senses once she is out of me and the attachment becomes loose? how often should i talk to her as a friend and for how long ? forget the meet cuz it brings those memories back and the next thing we find is that we are again inside it ! is her mind mature enough to come up with the breakup ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): I agree with both previous posts, I just want to add that being the "nice guy" in this situation is just going to make things worse and prolong her suffering.
I'm not saying be a bastard to her, I'm just saying that trying to spare her feelings is actually just going to lead her to believe that there might still be a chance.
You need to follow the advice of the previous two posters and make it absolutely clear to her that there is no chance of anything happening between the both of you ever again.
I know that sounds a bit harsh and that it might crush her but in the longterm it's the nicest thing you can do for her and she'll get over you way quicker.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 April 2009):
She's 16 and this is the first time she's been in love. Of course she thinks she's going to keep a silent vigil and never ever get over you and never be able to even kiss another human being. We all feel like that with our first boyfriends.
You need to be there for her but keep your distance. No physical contact, no flirting, no telling her you'll always care about her, no telling her she's beautiful, no long phone calls. You have to let her get out and see that there is life out there.
She will get over this in a few weeks, she just doesn't know it yet.
Good Luck!! xx
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