A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 33 years and a couple of years ago when I was doing the laundry his underwear was full of c--- and I know that it wasn't from us at that moment in time, so I confronted him and he just kept saying I don't know and at different times thereafter I would ask and he would still say Ii don't know or then once he said maybe it was stuff on my hands from work when I went to the restroom. Any time I did ask about it he he would get aggravated so finally after two years he said okay, I will tell you but you won't believe me. He told me that he had a dream that me and him were having hot sex and he c---. He said he did not tell me that from the time I confronted him because I would not believe that it was me in the dream and not someone else. So he really let me believe for 2 years that he had been with someone else. He keeps telling me that is the truth and that he as never ever touched anyone but me but how could you let your wife of 33 years think that? What should I do or think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Maybe if he has a high sex drive and you were going through a difficult patch regarding intiamcy.... he got a bit 'overloaded' ? I think you need more evidence if you really truly suspect him of cheating.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): I'm with satindesire. If the ejaculate was in his underwear that means his penis was covered by his underwear and he was not sticking it someone else....he put the pants in the laundry so he wasn't feeling guilty about anything. Your questions about it would be an insult...he oviously had a wetdream or masturbated, not had sex with another woman.....even if he was getting a hand job, it would have ended up all over his stomach and not in his undies.
Get over it and vow to move on down the road and you owe your husband an apology and a night of glorious sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): "and since then there was another thing pretty hurtful which just made me think about the underwear deal even more. "have you reason to believe that he is cheating. and are now piecing together the pices of the puzzle. if he is cheating, you need to be strong, because what you may find is that his cheating goes back a few years. i said before, this is a can of worms opening.........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): It sounds to me like he's made up the dream to get you to stop asking him about it. Maybe he really doesn't know what the stains are. Maybe it's not cum. Maybe it is a spontaneous ejaculation. Maybe it's incontinence or a prostrate problem. Maybe it is a wet dream. Maybe he's masturbating.There may be reasons he's uncomfortable talking to you about any of those reasons - none of which should necessarily threaten your relationship with him. Bringing it up again and again to ask the same question indicates strongly that you think he is lying to you, and are accusing him of having an affair. If this isn't true, then feeling like your partner distrusts you over such a long period of time can be very wearing on a relationship. He might have made it up because he didn't think you would drop it until he gave you a reason to. Your trust in your partner should be based on something more than your inspection of his underwear from a few years ago. I suspect that if you were examining his undies that closely in the first place that you are either naturally distrustful (have you been cheated on in the past?) or there are other reasons that you may be distrusting him. Stand back and take a good look at your relationship overall and decide to either trust him or not. If you can trust him, then drop the inquisition. If you can't, then do some serious work on your relationship/see a councillor or separate with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): I think you answered this yourself: "the only place he had been was at work kind of construction type so if he had been with someone and had nothing around to clean with or had to pull clothes on quick because someone coming,..."
sad, very sad, that he lied to you and made that feeble excuse of the dream.
the gall of him to ly for 2 yrs and then "confess". there are signs of his cheating. do you just sweep this under the carpet and forget the evidence .NO- you need answers, and you need it now. He has lied so don't expect the truth any time soon.
A good confrontation, a good fact find, and a good resolution if your marraige is going to survive the lies and deceit. A can of worms is slowly being opened, are you ready for the truth.Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Please think this one through carefully... the underpants you found that were full of cum - I presume he had worn those to sleep in then taken them off in the morning? If so then I think it would be safe to say he probably had a wetdream. However... if his underpants had marks on them and he had been out all day....mmmm possiblity of having an affair is quite good.
You need to open the communication channels with your husband so that you can both talk openly about your feelings. Eventhough you say you have been married 33 years I am sure that you have both stopped communicating - and I an not talking about conversations about the dog or who takes out the garbage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): I am the one that wrote about this a asked what i should do or think,but i would like to say that it was not that i buged him all of the time. when the timing was just right i would ask again. and know on a normal bases i am a calm person. the only place he had been was at work kind of construction type so if he had been with someone and had nothing around to clean with or had to pull clothes on quick because someone coming, could that not be why his underwear could have been like that? yes i know you can have dreams like that because i have woken up having an orgasm myself a few times in my life.and that is just what i said you can't help what you dream. but for pitty sake until then i had , had never no reason to guestion ever so why did he not tell me honey when you wash clothes i woke having dream about you and you will find ... after all look how long we have been married with no douts and since then there was another thing pretty hurtful which just made me think about the underwear deal even more.
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A
female
reader, CUPID001  +, writes (3 April 2009):
I'd say get real... he's having it with someone else. Men are like that (and so are some women)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 April 2009):
Well it's perfectly natural for men to do that in their sleep without dreaming about it. It just his body's natural maintenance check.
But it is very odd for him to just not tell you it was a dream for 2 years.
I would still be very suspicious, but then if it was in his pants it does mean it wasn't out and pointing at some other woman at the time.
Men are idiots and it's possible he just wanted to avoid a row since he knew you would go crazy at him.
When he is honest with you, how do you respond? If you are the type of person to go off on one and make it difficult to be open with then this could be an honest response. If you stay calm about things then I'd be more suspicious.
Either way, you have to sit him down and talk calmly and get it sorted one way or the other. Either you believe him and move on from this, or you think he's lying and kick him out. You can't go on for 2 more years having the same argument.
Good Luck!! xx
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