A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went on holiday with my boyfriend in sept just gone, i am 29 he is 25 though very wise and mature for his age in some ways. Met a year ago on holiday and started going out in may this year, he suffers from schizophrenia though i never knew how bad, he has a counsillor which he sees for various reasons ( just to put you in the picture hes dad was murdered 3 years ago which is why he sees councillor ) he stopped seeing him 3 months ago due the councillor getting cancer. Anyway he is very attentive, caring, loving and is the first man i have been out with who wasnt jealous of my friends or stopped me doing anything that i did before meeting him, he let me be who i was and i in turn let him be who he was. while on holiday we got into an argument and he basically never came down from it, he just got nastier and nastier, called me names and verbally abused me for on and off 2 days and it came to a head on the fourth night when after drinking most of the night, we got back to the hotel and started rowing again when he kicked a small water bottle at me ( it was half full ) and it smashed me above my right eye causing a 3 inch open gash, even though to me that is bad, ( he said it was an accident) the next bit is what i cant get my head round, even though he had hit me with the bottle and i was bleeding badly, he carried on verbally abusing me and i was crying and saying what have you done, instead of helping me, he pushed me onto the bed which i bounced off and landed on the floor and then he kicked me very hard on the top of my left leg, i just cannot get over him doing that, yes throwing the bottle was bad, i could of been blinded but what hurts more is having him kick me while on the floor, that was no accident and i was actually scared so i left there and then and flew back to england. Now thing is, im not naive, i know that people say once a beater always a beater but i dont believe you can generalise that in that way, everyone and situation is different but i also know that i have more respect for myself then he thinks i do as he did not expect me to leave and even tried to stop me at the airport but i knew i couldnt stay after that. Yes i love him ( or i wouldnt be writing this ) and we have a great understanding of each other, He is lovely, intelligent and smart and hasnt ever done anything like this since ive known him, he has come back now and gone straight to his doctor and got on the meds and also has restarted with his councillor, thats all good for him, but what about mei dont know whether i can trust him now, i certainly have lost a lot of respect for him, but does he deserve another chance or is what he did bad enough to leave. I just need some advice and any pointers or similar experiences would really be appreciated. Thanks very much
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male
reader, FETSEA  +, writes (8 January 2009):
THROWING AT AND KICKING AERSON ARE BOTH UNFORGIVEABLE.
ONCE BITTEN TWICE "BEWARE". Leave the scene. Drop the person. Bring no harm and regrets to yourself (and him).
One act of quit, and both benefit in the long term. Heal your mind, go to volunteer groups, charitable societies and as you care, history would drown and new love would bloom. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell can i first say thank you to you all for giving me your opinions on my situation, i really appreciated it and really helped me think things through. I just wanted you to know that after a lot of soulsearching i made my decision to finish our relationship, i told him i would like to keep him in my life but purely as a friend as the trust has now gone and i doubt i will get it back, im nearly 30 now, do i really want to spend the next few years trying to build up the trust we once had. I also told him that i have to do whats right for me and that means protecting myself, i cant be his friend right now either, but in time i hope to be able to talk to him and to be there for him but as far as being in a relationship goes, it cant happen. I feel i have made the right decision and need to have this respect for myself otherwise no one else will. Again thank yuou
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I understand exactly how you feel. Shock after abuse can make you feel confused and not want to believe that the person you loved and who is loveable 80% of the time would do this to you. That he has a problem, needs help, doesn't mean it. I have been there. You need some perspective and the way to get that is to put yourself in a different environment for a while. They say that if you climb a mountain the whole world looks different - smaller - and you see how small all the 'stuff' is. Can you take some time to get away somewhere? Hostelling in Europe for 2 or 3 weeks say - meet some nice people, have fun, go to parties. You will make new friends from all over the world, fill your life with new sights, sounds and exoeriences, It can be done on a shoestring - not too expensive. You will find this gives you the healing you need maybe (you sill have hidden emotional and psychological wounds after your attack), boundless confidence, broaden your horizons and give you a new perspective on life. It will be hard to let go. But your boyfriend needs help and is getting it. Hard, but kinder to let go now. We women care and want to help someone who has a problem, even when that problem leads to being attacked. Let the professionals do the caring. Even if this man never hit you again, you would live with the fear of it. Go and live life and have fun! Hugs xxx
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A
female
reader, Shingi  +, writes (10 October 2008):
You know what.. probably you don't know how serious schizophrenia is?? Else you wouldn't have asked this question- Your bf needs help and if you care enough for him after all this, help him out first but I wonder is there some remedy for schizophrenia!!!
Please understand you may live with an occasional abuse/ fight but this goes beyond that .. its a big psychological
problem.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (10 October 2008):
 Get out of this relationship now or are likely to end up in hospital or worse still dead.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): hell no you dont get back with a guy like that. Lady he kicked you were down he treated you like a man that is crazy you have to think about the next time what will he do and stop making excuses for him.
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A
female
reader, abby5000 +, writes (10 October 2008):
Yes it is bad enough to leave! He kicked you while you were down what kind of a person does that even if they are drunk... however if it is mental illness then i would tell him if he wants me to stay he needs to give me and docters his permission to talk to them, then talk to them and get thier imput, one time whierdness and if he stays on his meds it will be fine OR likely happen again.
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