A
female
age
36-40,
*a petite belle
writes:Hi, thank you for taking the time to read my question. I feel like there is a need for a background but I'll try to be brief. Thank you for helping me!My boyfriend is 21 yrs old and I am 23 (we're both from Latin America, attending college in the US, my lifestyle is very similar to the US but he is still in Latin America mode as in a bit macho) We have been on and off for about 7 months. (We've been together for about a year and 3 months). In the past we used to spend the whole time together and I mean the whole time!. We had seemed to fight a lot and we'd end up breaking for a few days just to get back 2-3 days after. This last time we broke up (he broke up with me) I thought we were done and didn't even attempt to contact him. I was devastated but I decided to start moving on, a month after that he started calling me and texting me, telling me that he missed me and that everywhere he went to he'd picture me. I didn't reply to any of his contact attempts for a week and finally I answered and decided to meet up and now we are back. We've been back for about a week.In the past there were a lot of trust issues and he used to make me feel guilty about hanging out with my friends when I was not with him (this time, he has been a bit better about it), this past weekend he was out of town with his family and I had a sleep over with some girls and when he found out about it he gave me a somewhat guilt trip but he backed off immediately after, without me having to say anything, he would usually start asking me about it and making me feel guilty but this time he didn't even ask me anything about it.Now, in the past like I mentioned we used to be together all the time, this created some issues at times but I adapted to this and I became ok with being with him the whole time... but this time, he doesn't ask me to stay longer with him, he kind of asks me to go, or he would say "what are you doing later?" "uh,... I'm doing this at 5 pm" and he'll say "oh...what time is it?" and when the time comes he;ll say "baby, it's 4:30... aren't you going to xyz?" .. He used to ask me to go eat with him all the time and now he asked me "go ahead baby and do what you have to do, don't stay here for me"... so I did but this is not him.... Another thing is that during the month that we didn't' talk, people that used to be mutual friends started telling me awful things about him, they would see him with other girls, asking for numbers, dancing with them and some of these sightings happened when me and my boyfriend were together... I don't know that I believe them 100% but there is soooo many "sightings" I can put behind without questioning it in the back of my mind..I have talked to him about them and he denies it and says "if i didn't care for you, I wouldn't have gone through all the trouble of calling you and texting you.. If I didn't care about you I would've given up the 6 times I attempted to contact you and you just ignored me"... like i said, I believe him when he says it but when all of a sudden he starts acting distant and doesn't contact me as much as he used to do.... all I can think is just to question how much is true...He doesn't seem to want to hang out if it's not in his house.. he doesn't want to do any bonding... he just wants to be in his house... and I am starting to feel that he is trying to hide us from his friends... There is a holiday coming up (4th of July in the US) and I mentioned to him "what are you doing this weekend" and he said "nothing, why?" then i asked him if we could go to the amusement park and that I had found a great price for the tickets and he said "and are you sure it's for all the rides?" and i said I wasn't sure and he said "uhmmmm I don't like your "Im not sure"." then he switched topics ... and I don't know what to think, is he avoiding it, does he have plans with a girl?, with his family?... does he not want to spend time with me OUTSIDE OF HIS BEDROOM!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!, do people know from his side that we are back?We haven't re-friended each other on facebook and even less both of our status are as "single". Last time when we were back I tried to befriend him back and he never answered... then 1 day after I befriended him, he broke up with me... so now I'm scared this same thing will happen... that's why on my side, I haven't done anything but it hurts me that he hasn't done it on his end!.... I suppose I should change my status... but I am ... confused... whether i am going to be the only one with the "in a relationship" my friends will ask me again and they all hate him! they know of all the things that people say about him and they don't want me back with him, one of my friends completely stopped talking to me because i got back with him before... I don't want to have to address this facebook thing with him.. I feel like if he broke up with me he should be the one making the attempt to befriend me... then I think this is too childish... this behaviour confuses me.... I can't block eveything that is said about him... I don't know what to do... last night we were together for a few hours, then he said he wanted to go eat and asked me to "go do your own things baby, please don't stop doing things just for me, I'll go eat then I'll see you at the gym, I'll text you or call you", I left feeling confused because he would never do this before and then he phone died but I never saw him at the gym, i texted him from my ipod later and he said he was tlaking to his mom and i said ok good night and he replied "ok babe"... i am so confused... why is he beign so distant?, why is he avoiding us going out?, why hasn't he called me at all today when he used ti call me so often before... everything is confusing me and yet I remember his argument "if I didn't care about you...."Advice???? I really need help(last thing... we both don't work, (I work on the weekends but the rest of the week is free, he doesn't work at all, his parents send him money for school).
View related questions:
broke up, facebook, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (1 July 2011):
la petite belle is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello, thank you to everyone that has helped me. I am currently evaluating my current relationship and will take a break from it all for a couple of days. I will let you guys know what I decide.
THANK YOUUUUU SOOOOOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE THAT HAS OFFERED ME THEIR KIND ADVICE!.
XOXO,
La petite belle
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I am sorry to say that the fact he wants to quarantine you exclusively in the Bedroom is not good. Guys who are genuinely in an exclusive relationship want to show their girl to the world. They happily befriend you on FB.
It's a pity that your weekends are taken up with work. That gives him plenty of time to play up when you are busy working over the weekend. Not good. But do keep working as that is the responsible thing, to make your own money.
He should not even dare to try to put a guilt trip on you for having friends - you need friends, they help to 'ground' you in reality.It is good that he is addressing this shortcoming he appears to have had badly in the past. Never allow a guy to isolate you from your friends
I do not like the vision that he is hurrying you along. Sounds like he already has a pressing appointment to get to? what? when? where? who? He may be too busy to contact you as often as he was able to in the past. Especially if he has more ladies to see?
This sounds like a relationship in trouble.
Don't act desperate and attempt to catch him out. That will be too humiliating.
I do think he is being too distant with you. Sadly I do think he is playing up elsehwere
It is a red flag that he wants to keep your relationship with him under wraps.
Don't threaten to leave him. Don't tell him intend to leave him. Because it will further add to your pain if he reacts with, 'OK babe, you do your own thing'
His disinterest and his lack of engaging you in social activities is too cruel for words.
I think he is cultivating a new love. But he is not there yet with his new love. It is possible that he is keeping you as his insurance in case his other 'excursions' come to nothing.
Protect yourself and make quiet plans to separate from him. He is far too disengaged. He is not acting like a gentleman. And he's not as caring and respectful as the man you do deserve.
Another break will hurt.
But take stock. List your good qualities. Think what you have to offer - responsible attitude, intelligent. And being macho, then trust me he would not be seeing you unless you were very attractive too. So add attractive and nice to your list.
Then think about the kind of man who suits you. Respctful? caring? honest? willing to introduce you to his family and friends? etc etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Talk to him and let him know that his behavior is bothering you. Make sure you know where you stand in this relationship because you don't want to fully invest your time and your heart to someone that is just using you as a booty call. Communication is the key and the sooner you talk to him the sooner you'll know where you stand in this relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (28 June 2011):
la petite belle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlast thing, he said that he after being a month without talking to me he wanted to start from scratch as if we didn't know each other... but i am confused... to me if you don't know someone you'd want to get to know the other person... you'd want to be around.... I sometimes think this is too hard... i AM REALLLY CONFUSED... don't know what to listen to... help please!..
Thank you
...............................
|
