A
female
age
36-40,
*moteablesally
writes:I am pretty much into my boss. We get along so well and in the entire office, we're the only two people who share the same interest in films, music and whatnot. There were instances in the past where I could not identify if he was into me but didn't want to be obvious about me, or if I was just reading too much into it. Read this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-confess-my-feelings-for-him-before.html Now I've left the company two weeks ago and never made a move to ask him out after I left, as suggested by others. Haven't heard from him at all until last weekend, when he caught me online. He chatted me just to tell me that he finally saw our favorite local band play live. SOmewhere along the conversation he mentioned his two favorite songs from the band's album, and he said he both liked the songs because of the lyrics. Lyrically, one of the songs was about conflicting emotions, about a somewhat secret mutual affection that could not be acted on, about feeling torn between giving in to love or holding back, about choosing between giving love a try or dismissing it, a battle between the rational head/mind and the passionate heart. The second song (titled Feelings) was similarly sad and had a line in it that goes, "I wanna know / Do you feel anything / For me..."We always used to talk about bands before, but I just want to know, is he trying to tell me something? He chatted me last weekend at 4 in the morning just to tell me which songs he loved, lyrically. Am I getting ahead of myself? Am I reading too much into this?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 June 2013):
Hi there. First of all, is this man - your old boss - in the same age group as yourself?
And do you know his marital status?
Like, if not married, is it possible that he is in a relationship already?
And it is possible you may not know this, as it wouldn't be something that would ever come up in conversation.
Unless he ever refers to "we" in conversation, and not referring to you and him, at the time.
Because, that would be a definite clue that he may be in a relationship already.
But cross that bridge - only if you come to it.
And from what you say here, that the songs that he says he likes, do convey a message of what he is thinking about his life at the moment.
And so yes, he could be tossing up as to whether to get to know you better and start dating you, or to just keep it as being friends only.
I guess only time will tell.
And supposing he is NOT married, or in a relationship, he could be just wondering if you like him enough to start dating him, if he asked you.
And so by talking about the song words, and song titles, he is perhaps saying something to you, but without actually saying it.
Like a suggestion of sorts, shall we say.
So keeping that in mind, maybe just see how the conversation goes when you chat online, and see if he appears to be hinting at asking you out.
He could be trying to get some kind of reaction from you, to see if you are interested in taking it to the next level - of dating.
First of all though, it is absolutely IMPERATIVE that you do clarify whether he is married or single, and whether he is available, more to the point.
It seems that he could be a free man.
Don't ask him though, or even hint at it, as it might appear to be prying into his private business.
So to keep the peace, and in the absence of the word "we" in his conversation, you can fairly safely assume for now, that he is available.
Unless anything happens to contradict this.
So trust his integrity for now, and assume he is being totally honest with you.
And the song words - "about conflicting emotions, about a somewhat secret mutual affection that could not be acted on, about feeling torn between giving in to love or holding back, about choosing between giving love a try or dismissing it, a battle between the rational head/mind and the passionate heart."
This might not mean that he is married or taken.
It might simply be that he was hesitant to act upon his feelings, because you had to work together.
And that does makes sense.
Now that you are left that company, things are now different because you are not seeing each other all day long.
The words of those songs, were probably how he really does feel, and is not so much that he doesn't like you enough, but more that he wonders if you feel the same way.
And so until he does know this, he feels apprehensive about taking the next step - of dating you - until he knows for sure.
And so you will need to tread carefully, just in case you both get your wires crossed.
Just to save any awkward moments, that's all.
So perhaps let him take the lead, and see how it goes, and when you both talk about the words of songs, that you comment on what you think of those words, and see how it proceeds from there.
One subject leads to another, and to another, and you just never know where it might lead.
And so I suggest to you, to just go with the flow of things here, and let things evolve naturally, and don't force the issue.
Things will happen when they are meant to, and not one minute before.
Everything will instinctively feel "right" to you.
And so you can't rush things. Let them happen of their own accord.
And then you can't go wrong.
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