A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so my boyfriend and I were hanging out on Saturday and I wanted us to sit down and have a grown-up conversation. I have to admit (I'm a chatterbox). Anyways, it was good because we brought a lot of things out in the open. In between that we were cuddling and he wanted to shut me up by caressing which would lead to sex. We have a great and very active sex life. But I wanted us to talk!He dropped me off early at home and before saying our good bye's he brings up ..'yeah, you turned me down." I was like, "no, I was only trying to talk". I know he was only trying to give me the whole guilt trip, right?? I realize some men don't like to communicate that much. And then he adds, "Well I'm not sure what I'm doing tomorrow but if you feel horny come on over..I'll be waiting."I thought long and hard about it.. And decided not to go this one day. Because of what he said. Instead I spent time with the family.I called him this morning and he cut the conversation short.."said good morning babe, I'm working I'll call u later." He never says that. Is this him continuing to make me feel guilty? Did I do the right thing? I mean he can't say those kinds.. I'm his girlfriend! Is this just sexual frustration?
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male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (31 August 2009):
Well, being denied is embarassing. and people always act the worst when they are embarassed. Keep that in mind.
I dont think he is trying to guilt trip you, just mentioning that it didnt offend him. You know what I mean.
I dont think its anything to be super stressed about, and having conversations is very very important.
Keep that in mind.
-iydm
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 August 2009):
 Maybe you should tell him:"If you ever want to talk about things I want to talk about, come on over..."I think he felt it as a rejection, no one likes to get turned down when they are trying to "sex" up a situation. Maybe he felt you two had "talked" enough, maybe he is just a little immature.I KNOW it is quite possible to have conversations without having sex in a relationship, maybe you need to express in fewer words that you feel there is more to a relationship then just a roll in the hay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): It sounds like he was feeling insecure and a tad rejected. Men act really weird when they feel that way. They try to downplay the emotional connection and be tough on the outside to conceal their vulnerability. Pointing that out to him will probably make him shut down and act defensive. I would just acknowledge to yourself that he felt rejected and maybe try to express some affection to show him he's wanted. (Assuming he generally treats you well and doesn't have jerk tendencies, of course.) He also needs to know that you have communication needs. Once he's not feeling so vulnerable I would try to express what you need from him in the quality conversation dept. Then maybe he'll share what he needs in the sex dept? Who knows.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): I don't know your boyfriend, I don't know how long the two of you have been dating...but it could be a couple of things.
He is more interested in having sex than a relationship.
He was just teasing you as his way of showing affection
He was truly busy at work and will call you later.
What do you mean did you do the right thing? You dared to want to talk without leading to sex?
You chose to have some interests in something outside of him, like spending time with your family?
Don't do this to yourself, you are heading down doormat lane....you don't have anything to feel guilty about for just being you. Your boyfriend is a jerk sometimes, go figure, men.
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