A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this may be a little long but I want you to understand where I'm coming from. My boyfriend's birthday is in 2 weeks. It will be the second birthday I've been with him and I want to do something nice. Last year I bought a nice panty set as a little treat for him as well as the usual gift. Well I went out and bought a really really nice one this year, pretty expensive with the thigh high stockings and the lot, which I've never worn for him before but he has told me he would like to see me in. On the phone tonight I asked if he wanted a hint at one of his gifts through a pic on his cell phone and he asked me if it was another outfit and didn't sound very thrilled. I asked him if that sounds good to him to kind of get him excited for his birthday night and he just said "oh well it's just what you did last year."I feel pretty shitty, I mean not only have I been spending loads of time trying to find him a great gift but I made a special trip today to make sure I got something else for him as well and he didn't even seem to care. Any idea why? He hasn't seemed too much into sex lately and when I ask him why he says that I used to not be that into it either. I just came off birth control and got back my sex drive that I had totally LOST the year or so I was on it and he knows that happened and that's why I wasn't that into sex. Should he be more understanding, does it sound to anyone else like he's trying to get back at me?? Sometimes when I touch him to get him going he tells me to stop, I feel guilty for what happened to our sex life while on the pill but I needed it because at the time I would get my period for about 28 days straight and had really no other option at that point. Did I ruin our sex life, inadvertently or not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe never really mentions being molested, so how can I bring up the idea of counseling without dredging up bad memories for him? I actually was going to talk about therapy with him last night but he seemed in such a good mood and it made me question if it ever even bothers him, or if this is a facade he's thrown up - like you said - to bury it in the back of his mind where it can't bother him.
But for his birthday I will get him some concert tickets actually, that's a great idea and I had been thinking about it as well. A cover band for his favorite band will be in town about a week after his birthday, perfect idea!! You're great!
I will be as understanding with him as possible, he means the world to me and I don't want to lose him over some miscommunications.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell let me clarify a little. We always still had sex at least once a week, it's not like we NEVER had sex and I wasn't EVER in the mood, most of the time we had it more than once a week. I know that probably wasn't still enough for him and he did have to initiate most of the time. Believe me, I feel soooo guilty about it although I can't really blame myself, he never really took the time to do much foreplay anyway.
Now I am the one doing the initiating, it feels like we've switched roles almost. No, he isn't watching porn unless he is very good at hiding it as I know more about computers than him and that is the only place he would have access to it.
I think this may have to do with him having been molested when he was younger as well as the fact that I didn't seem too interested in sex with him before, but he did know the reason.
I actually spoke to him on the phone while writing this and he said that I took what he said the wrong way and he is looking forward to it, he just has other things on his mind. But of course the lingerie thing isn't the only instance where this has happened.
I plan on talking to him about it more tonight. Thanks for the advice from all of you and the faith you have in our relationship Gina.
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A
male
reader, Tunsat +, writes (26 November 2008):
I don't know if he's trying to necessarily get back at you but it is possible. Have you been trying to have sex with him before this or have you not for a while?
Its possible he felt low self esteem when you weren't interested in sex with him so he found a way to cope with it and now possibly is locking himself up so that he doesn't feel vulnerable or let someone else bring him to this weak feeling.
On the other hand, maybe he just has found a new porn addiction or a drop in libido?? Either way I would definitely ask him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): dont mean to sound cheesy or cliche- but you shouldnt have to put up with that kind of behaviour! TALK to him about it!... get it fixed! :)
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