A
female
age
36-40,
*achakaRoni
writes:I started seeing this guy about 3 weeks ago. I have seen him 3 times. I'm confused though as Ive had bad judgement when it comes to guys before. Im not sure if my gut is telling the truth or I am just relating back to previous heartache. The first time was a nice date- we just hugged at the end of the date. The next time we hung out and had a good time but did sexual oral stuff, but hugged, held hands and kissed. the last time we talked and did oral stuff. we text all the time and not just about sexual stuff.Is he testing my boundaries? Is this normal? or not? am really confused! Thanks for your help
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): I don't understand what you mean OP?
We guys will go as far as you let us. It's not testing boundaries it's just sex and gave it on the second date so personally I think he's already figure out your boundaries.
If you want my opinion if this is how far you let guys go with you so soon, then this poor judgement thing you have with guys is not that you pick bad guys, it's that you let them have the goods before you even know what kind of guy they are.
Forgive me OP but you're too easy. Now I'm not saying it's wrong to get sexual soon, nor that you're a slut, nothing like that. But you say you have bad judgement when it comes to guys, that most definitely means you are getting sexual too soon for your needs. I mean I know girls that will get sexual straight away but they don't mind that, nor do they care what a guy is like when they sleep with him they just want sex and some fun, there's nothing wrong with that at all but even they will tell you if they wanted to find a good guy to settle down with then they wouldn't just jump feet first into being sexual. Girls that want to date guys in order to find a good guy to have a relationship wait a bit first OP, they find out whether he is a good guy or not before they get sexual with him.
You need to exercise better judgement here OP. The best way to find out if a guy wants you and not just your body is to offer yourself up before you offer your body. Then again if casual sex is all you want then forget everything I said and just do what you are doing now. Just remember most of us guys have this strange habit of being locked into what we most find appealing about a girl. If sex becomes that thing it most likely will become our major incentive for being with you. If good conversation, funny jokes, shared interests are that thing then sex becomes a bonus and not our main focus. Of course a lot will only want sex and nothing will change their mind but again waiting and getting know someone before you get sexual usually allows you to weed out those guys pretty quickly.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 What exactly are your sexual boundaries?
If you haven't made them clear to him, he can hardly be suspected of testing them.
I usually recommend you only become sexual once you have establieshed something solid and exclusive. Right now you've only gone out on a few dates. You're both still single and free to date others.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 I think you need to slow down. If you want to be sure he isn't "just" looking for sex, then don't HAVE sex.
No amount of texting gets you to truly know a person. Spend time with him (without all that oral sex).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2012):
 So you met a man and started casually dating him 3 weeks ago.
You have one date per week so far with him and are sexual with him since the second date.
I don't know what boundaries you think he's testing.....
Is it normal? well it is for you and for him...
why are you confused?
what are you expecting....
what do you REALLY think is going on?
is your question "is he using me for sexual favors?"
the answer is "MAYBE"
and the only way to find out is to NOT be sexual with him.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Dont have sex with him until there is a commitment, the moment you sleep with him you wont hear from him. Dont be afraid to tell him you want a serious relationship if thats what you want and insist that you take things slow until you are ready. I have the 90 day no sex rule (of which you dont tell the guy about), some sort of probation period to see if we are compatable, if the friendship/relationship is going somewhere, that way if a guy just wants sex and I dont give it to him pronto he wil jus lose interest and they usually gradually disappear good riddens cause that saves me a lot of confusion and unnecesary pain. If he is willing to wait around and be patient then he is a keeper and deserves your goodies. Dont allow yourself to be pressurised into having sex or performing oral on him. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Well its not abnormal. How quickly you choose to get sexual with someone is up to you, although when you rush into things it is often very hard to figure out the other persons intention, eg do they just want sex.
He is more than likely testing the boundaries and as you two have already been intimate so quickly he probably thinks its ok to text sexual things and the like.
If this isnt what you want then you need to make that clear, if you do want this then just be aware of what type of relationship you want.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 March 2012):
 A guy will test, keep testing, you until he finds out if/that you are prepared to remove your clothes and put out for him....
You are in the midst of that....
Good luck...
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