A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I have had a crush on this guy I have worked with for 8 years. I was married and he was in a long term relationship for those 8 years but I always had these feelings I couldn't ignore, but being married, I did ignore them and quite honestly I didn't think he saw me that way. Well recently our jobs have put us working close together again and we flirted like crazy and finally found out that for these 8 years he has felt just like I have. We both got out of our relationships 2 yrs ago but are both taken again by new people who happen to also work with us (oh yes drama central). So because of that, we've been secret about us. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend (it was going downhill anyway) but he hasn't ended his. He's with me all the time and talks to me constantly telling me how much he likes me and how much he has liked me and how miserable he is with his girlfriend but he can't break up with her just yet. His excuse is they have a vacation planned in August and she put it on her credit card and he doesnt have the cash to give her for it right now. He says he's tried to break it off with her but she gets crazy and he thinks it will be better if he just suffers though it till after the trip then he's ending it. It sounds like bull to me and bothers me. I tried to stay away from him till then but I have waited 8 years for this man and I don't want to wait anymore. It's only been a few weeks and I don't feel it is even my place to be making demands but the jealousy is starting to eat at me, the closer we become. Does anyone think that he may honestly be telling the truth that he HAS to go on this trip with her or is he just using me??
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crush, flirt, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your advice! So I knew what I needed to do and I just needed to know I wasn't crazy so I ended things, I told him he was full of it and he just kept saying he was ending it, he just needed time blah blah blah. So I said I'm gone! Cried for the next few hours but I held strong :) Well later that night he calls and tells me it's done and he owes her 800 for the trip but it's done and over. He had enough of it and he's not letting her make him feel bad about it. (She kept saying she would kill herself, or she was pregnant, or the money about the trip) So I guess time will only tell if it is really over but it's looking promising. Now my new problem is do I want to be with someone who cheated on his girlfriend cause we all know, nothings to stop him from doing it to me but that's another issue for another post haha
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2009):
 I'm not sure I could believe a guy saying he HAD to go on vacation with his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend. If he really didn't want to be with her, faking it for another 2 months seems a bit excessive to me. I'm with you, it sounds like bull.
This is one of these cases where I want to shout "Cover your heart, Indy, cover your heart!" Don't be so available for him, and for heaven's sake, don't pull yourself off the dating market until he is officially single. Part of the excitement of the relationship is probably the sneaking around and hiding your feelings in public. It's heart-pounding stuff, and can cause you to forget that a real relationship is carried on out in the open, without the thrill of possibly getting caught.
If it were me in your shoes, I would become LESS available to him, because he technically is not single. I would revert back to friendship only, and I would make sure that I went out on dates with available men. No sneaking around, no secrecy. Living life out in the open because there's no need to hide anything. I would cultivate a healthy amount of skepticism regarding the veracity of his claim that he's going with her only because he can't pay her back for the trip.
So if things go all pear-shaped with him, then I wouldn't have been wasting my time, nor would I have prematurely invested myself emotionally in a guy who's not available. I'm not trying to be mean to him, not trying to get "even"; just trying to protect my heart and integrity here. And don't forget that to her, you'd be the "other woman."
Let us know how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSee it's not him going that bothers me, although it will be an awful jealousy filled week for sure, it's whether it will really be over when he gets back or if I'll find out that time spent with me was only that, time. If the end result is him with me than it would all be worth it.
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