A
female
age
41-50,
*orceedea
writes:Two years ago, my first bf and I were in contact and somewhat talking in good terms as friends. I attended his brother's funeral to show my respect to his family and himself since we were in a relationship together for close to 5 years and I have known him for literally 13 years. While in his brother's funeral, a very touching and tough moment for him and his entire family (including myself) he began to talk to me about his emotions, memories, and trying to bring back old emotions as if he was trying to fix things and get back with me. I had broken up with him years ago and at the time I was upset with his reaction and behavior because he was also talking to another female whom he clearly said he was trying to get to know and see if there was some kind of connection. I remember I asked him why was he doing this and if he was playing games? He said no, and that he wanted to keep me but was afraid of hurting me again so wanted to remain friends. I got so angry with him because he was sending me mixed signal that after his brother's funeral. I decided to unfriend him from my facebook, delete his number and lose contact with him. He called me a week after saying he wanted to see me before he left back home to Japan (He's in the air force and is stationed there). I refused and expressed my emotions telling him that I did not like his behavior and mixed signal and nor did I like that he was talking to him and this other girl as if I was some kind of backup plan in case things did not go well. He said he understood and that was that. About a week or so later, he sends me a private message on yahoo messenger saying that he moved on and decided to cut all ties and communication with me and that he decided to open up to this other girl. All of this was two years ago. So here's the situation, about 6 months ago, he sends me a private message on facebook saying "I hope things is going well with you and that everything is okay". I replied and said things was going well and that anything else was none of his concern. We stopped talking after that message. Then about 3 months ago, his mother sends me a friend request and began speaking to me asking me to make mends with her son and that he said he does not know why he can't see me or why he does not have me on facebook. She went on telling me that I should talk to him etc etc. Try to fix things with him and then asked me to go see her and stay with her. This woman never accepted me when we were together. And now all of a sudden she's being overly nice with me. I thought about it, and yes, I did send him a simple message saying "hope things is okay". He replied and said that he's single and that people tend to judge a book by it's cover without knowing the truth etc etc. He also said that there is so much about him I don't know and then sent me a friend request. We haven't been talking much on facebook and I did see his mom two days ago and spent time with her. He is currently talking to two different females and his mother made him talk to me on the phone when I was with her. Before the conversation I had with him on the phone, I had sent him an e-mail asking him to clarify somethings to me that made no sense and had me confused. I asked him what helped him to move on and get piece of mind and why did he contact me after he said I wouldn't hear from him again? I asked him if his mother convinced him to talk to me as she did with me or that there was something else going on that I am not aware of? I told him that I just wanted to know to get some clarification because I honestly don't understand the situation. The day we spoke on the phone, he said he did not understand my e-mail message and wanted me to clarify over the phone. I refused and told him I would explain to him some other time. That was two days ago and have not spoken to him since. I don't think my message was hard to understand and don't see why it was so difficult for him to answer. One of the girls he is currently speaking to added me on facebook, spoke to me, asked me if I was his ex (which I did not reply) said she was constantly being compared to me, unfriend me, sent me the request again, canceled, blocked me, and finally unblocked me lol. My main thing here is his inability to respond to my question. I feel like he's just stringing me along but am not quite sure. I don't really understand what was his reason for trying to contact me even through his mother or why he can't answer my questions as if it was so complicated. I couldn't be more direct and yet, he claimed that he did not understand and wanted me to elaborate. WTH? Any suggestion and thoughts? Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2014):
 He is playing the "amnesia victim" here. He can't remember? Oh, yes he can't he is just hoping YOU have forgotten all about it.
I'm sorry a GROWN man getting his MOM to do his leg work to try and you to talk to him again, it's low. But it worked didn't it?
YOU had decided NO MORE GAMES, so he sent in the cavalry.. AKA mom. And he got you playing again.
And IF he is TRYING to figure out how he can make the past issues go away but YOU aren't playing! YOU refuse to elaborate. So IF he was sincere and wanted to fix this, how can he if you refuse to communicate WITH him? Sounds more like you were giving orders not communicating.
Is he interested? Only if you play by his rules. Is he stringing you along? It seems like he really doesn't know what he wants BUT he DOES want to KEEP you as his spare. In case he ends up with no one.
Personally, I don't believe in recycling exes, or getting back with an ex. Even if it's been 20 years. IT's a WHOLE new person but the old issues (at least for you) are still lingering from that ancient break up).
If you want to keep him around as a "friend" do so, but I'd look elsewhere for someone to date.
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