A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I hooked up with a dude acquaintance/friend at his goodbye party. My question is, he let me know he's coming back to town for a visit this coming weekend and I don't really want things to go down that path again. Is that something I should make clear before I even see him, or while we're hanging out, or none of the above, just leaving early would make it clear? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): You know better than we do about what kind of relationship you have with this guy or what may be developing. If he is probably expecting sex again then you should warn him you aren't interested in another round ahead of time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2014): Most likely he is looking for doing it again, the hookingup part, unless he is your very good friend. May be he texted few girls see who he can hook up with when he is in town, guys do these things all the time.
I think you need to tell him before hand and see if he even wants to go on with the old plan of seeing you.
Most likely he will change his plans.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (30 September 2014):
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't mention anything until I was pretty sure that he was expecting a repeat performance. It would seem presumptious of me if I just assumed that he did.So, if he gets overly flirtatious with you when you see him (or you can tell from the tone of his message that sex is what he's expecting) then you can politely say "Thanks, but no thanks" to him. It's better to be crystal clear and say it, rather than hoping he gets the message by interpreting your body language or behaviour.Make sure you only see him in a group if you feel that you would struggle in turning him down should it come to it. Agreeing to spend one-on-one time with him may give out the signal that you are still interested in hooking up with him.Did alcohol play a part when you decided to hook up with him last time? If it did, maybe leaving early would be a good idea to avoid a repeat performance if it looks like it might be on the cards but play it by ear. If it's a group event, I, personally, would avoid staying on until the very end and being one of the stragglers.But you may find that he's not interested in an action replay either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2014):
 Since you two just casually hooked up I don't think you OWE him an explanation, but it might clarify things. On the other hand if he isn't looking to hook up with YOU again either, it might be a little awkward.
I would just go and if he gets "handsy" I'd let him know that you aren't looking for a repeat. If you WANT to leave early, you can. But nothing sends a clearer message then TELLING them no, thanks.
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