A
female
age
,
*mjan
writes:Hi thereI met this guy 2 years ago. At that time he broke up with his wife at her request. We moved in together at the begining of this year. Actually, i believe that he is still pinning for his wife; he's doing things for her, gives her money every month, he wants to be friends with her. I don't understand this sort of friendship, but i'm afraid that i'm overeacting. If there is anybody there with the same problem, please do advice me.
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broke up, his ex, money, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (6 December 2009):
She's living with another man and is pregnant with that man's child? Whoa. Then your man really has no business giving her money and doing things for her; that's her new man's job. Unfortunately it sounds like he has never really let go of this relationship - and he seems to be thinking he can have you both in his life.
You need to sit him down and have a heart to heart about this - he needs to be fair to you. If you two have moved beyond just dating and are actually living together, then you deserve 100% of his attn and affection. Be gentle, be kind... but be strong.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): I had the same thing happen to me with my partner. He still helped his ex, gave her money and was constantly on the phone to her. I asked if i could meet her but he didnt want me to. 2 years into our relationship he told me that for the first year he was with me, his feelings and loyalty had been stronger for her than they had been for me! He had denied this at the time. I wish i had known it then but id only had my gut instinct to go on and as he`d denied it at the time i had chosen to beleive him rather than my instincts. So do as Tigerlilly says, listen to your instincts. If he cant give you a reason youre happy with, regarding why hes still giving her money and helping her and he wont let you meet her.....then worry!
Is it the other guys baby?? And why does she still have a joint bank account with your partner? It doesnt sound right. Start asking questions.
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A
female
reader, emjan +, writes (4 December 2009):
emjan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is living with another man, being pregnant presently. And, she still has access to their joint account.
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A
female
reader, emjan +, writes (4 December 2009):
emjan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't have kids with her. But he is 25yrs older than her. And she dumped him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 December 2009):
I'm afraid I agree with Tigerlily. He may have to pay her maintenance because of the divorce, but if he's trying to be friends with her that desperately and is doing thins for her, then it doesn't sound great. I think you need to talk to him about how you feel, then decide whether you can continue with it.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (4 December 2009):
No honey I don't think you are overreacting. He may be required to give her money every month (alimony) but as for the rest, you should trust your feminine instincts. It can take people a long time to get past a divorce. I was in this sort of situation once and I know how it feels. It destroyed my relationship with that man when I discovered that he had told her a very private secret.
I think you need to sit your man down and calmly explain your feelings. Tell him that while you understand it can be hard to let someone go, you deserve a monogamous relationship with a man who is 100% with you, and if he is not over his wife then perhaps the two of you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship and perhaps he needs to go take the time he needs to get past her before you two can move forward together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): Does he have kids with her? And I don't see any problem wanting to be friends even if people aren't together anymore, the money every month is throwing me off a bit. In order to make your relationship work there has to be communication you need to tell him that you are feeling insecure about the situation
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