A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've been in a relationship for the past 4 years and i try to make things work out, but now, i'm exhausted!Since my bf and I spent the hollidays with his family last year, we decided to go to my home town, and spend at least christmas with my mother.He had a lot of financial problems this year, and said that he couldn't go because he could not afford the ticket...This trip is so important to me, i haven't been able to go home for an year because of college and my job, so i asked him if fhe would be ok if i bought his ticket, and he agreed.We're not going to spend a lot of money and he already bought my mother a gift.The thing is, one day he calls me and says how excited he is to go to my home town. The other day, he calls me and says he's not going anymore... for no reason!! he says he doesn't feel like travelling anymore, he just want to stay home...It's not the first time he does that to me. I don't know what to do! how can I trust him if he changes his mind EVERY SINGLE DAY??besides, plane tickets are expensive, and I already bought it... he knows how important this is to me and he doesn't care if i get upsait...I don't have much money, but i don't care about that! i really wanted him to spend the hollidays with me and my mother!How can I rely on someone like that? If we get married, how can i trust a person that doesn't know what he wants??We already talked, but he says it's his way and he's not going to change...Like i said, it's not the first time he does that to me...Our relationship is already complicated because of other problems...What can I do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 December 2009):
The fact that he's willing to use you, and doesn't care if he upsets you... that means that you really do NOT want to get married to this man.
A man who loves you would not be so selfish. Please don't waste any more time on this man.
Leave him, take a friend with you to see your parents and then start dating someone in the new year.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): I'm sorry for all the distress this is causing you.
I agree with Tigerlily: he does soound very selfish and inconsiderate.
He told you he would go with you to visit your Mother over Christmas, and after you bought him a plane ticket, he has the gall nerve) to tell you he's decided not to go, and for no other reason than he just doesn't feel like traveling. Doesn't he have plenty of OTHER days he can just stay home by himself?!
Well, you said there are other problems to your relationship, and he's told you this is the way he is, and is not going to change. Seems to me he's given you fair warning.
I ask you: is it worth it to stick with this man?!
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (4 December 2009):
Wow. Your boyfriend sounds like he's just a really selfish person. You asked how can you rely on someone who acts like this and the hard simple truth is... you can't. Maybe this trip to visit your mom on your own is a blessing in disguise. Take some time to yourself, surround yourself with your family and people that truly care about you and how you feel, take a step back and ask yourself if this is really the man you want to give your life, time and life to. Don't call him, don't text or email him. Step back and let him see what life is like without you. There are so many men out there who truly want to love and take care of a woman and be there for her. You BF is young and it's possible he just doesn't have the maturity to appreciate what he has.
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