A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This man was interested in me (he's quiet shy, reserved, doesnt talk a lot, he is also a loner, doesnt have a big social life and likes to spend a lot of time on his own).. finally he asked me out and we had a lovely few weeks dating, then I feel I may have come on too strong, and I feel that he has lost interest. (He made it clear that he didn't want a relationship and that he was happy being single) Now he never calls or contacts me, however, I call him maybe every week, or every two weeks to catch up, and when we do catch up it's really lovely. I still feel we have a lovely connection (so our first date was 2 1/2 months ago) He doesnt seem like a player at all, but he doesnt like to communicate so I am trying to work out what is going on and whether it is pointless me keeping in contact. I want to take things easy and slowly, and to be honest, I just want the company, but I am worried that he thinks I want more (like a relationship which I dont). How do I communicate this to him? I want to send him an email as he's not a talker. Is it wrong to send a man an email expressing what you want and how you feel?
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male
reader, Who  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 “Is it wrong to send a man an email expressing what you want and how you feel?”No.“I want to take things easy and slowly, and to be honest, I just want the company…”You should tell him this.“…then I feel I may have come on too strong… I am worried that he thinks I want more (like a relationship which I dont)”You should gently try to get him to talk about what he wants. If he is the quiet type he may find it easier to write this kind of thing in an e-mail. Or (as I’ve learned reading questions on this site) he may be like a lot of people and will open up with texting or on line chat. Also ask him what he likes about you and if there is anything he does not like. To avoid coming on too strong, don’t say more on these topics then he does, and always get him to go first.Once you two know what the other wants, you all can decide what sort of situation is possible between the two of you, if any. If you come to an agreement on a situation, you should make it clear he has to call you some of the time.One thing to keep in mind, most men want sex, even quiet shy reserved loners. I think you should decide what you want in this regard and coyly (not directly) let him know. Something like “I’m saving myself for marriage.” Or “I get lonely at night sometimes. If you wanted to make me less lonely that would be all right.” As the case may be.One warning. Be prepared for him to tell you something like “I am seeing another women” or “We dated for a few weeks and I realized you are not the one for me.” I’m not saying either of these will happen, just be prepared for the possibility. A little effort on your part and this could work out wonderfully for you two. Or not. As you know, you won’t know until you try.Best of luck and hope this helps.
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