A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy I know who seems to follow me around campus. We're both in college and have very different schedules.I'm not sure if he's actually following me, so I can't make any judgements. But he always seems to find me (just to talk). I have a class on Wednesday that gets out at 10:00 PM and he's always there, like, waiting for me and he walks me back to the residence hall I stay in (because no one who lives on campus really drives, we either walk or a ride a bicycle). I suppose it's sorta weird (my roommate called him a creep and a stalker); for example, he'll brush his hand down my back. But he's cool, and we're becoming friends. Should I be concerned? Am I being oblivious to something? Or should I just let it go? Like I said, I can't make judgements. Maybe I'm being delusional?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): Hmm, well I'm not so sure that he is stalking you. I think he may be waiting for you after your class on a Wednesday, but I think it's because he likes you, wants to get to know you better, and sees it as a good opportunity to spend time with you! I don't think there is anything sinsiter going on here. Just that he likes you.
But if you are uncomfortable, then it doesn't matter whether he is stalking you or not. If it bothers you, then it does. It sounds as though you like him, maybe? But you feel uncomfortable around him. Is there any specific reason why? Or do you just want him to back off a little bit?
No matter how nice this guy may be, if you are not comfortable at any time, then ask him to leave you alone. I honestly don't think he means to make you uneasy, but if he does, then it's okay to walk away. Don't do anything you're not happy with. x
A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (7 February 2010):
 sounds like this guy is your favorite stalker. :)
to be serious though, sometimes we will rationalize things to ourselves due to fear of conflict. for example, you might not really like this guy, but you say he's cool because you're afraid of telling him to get lost. the mind has to choose between comfort and discomfort. this is the theory of cognitive dissonance. you might be scared to choose what you really feel.
if you don't like him being around you, then you need to take the appropriate steps. i suggest you talk to a counselor or someone to help you deal with this. it's definitely not easy, and you can feel silly because of it, but when you are stalked you are a victim. it's easy to feel silly because nothing he's doing by itself is illegal, and yet each act forms a pattern of a personal boundary violation.
i personally think waiting for you outside your class at 10pm without your prior knowledge or consent is a form of stalking.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 February 2010):
It's more likely he fancies you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): yep, he likes you. Time you decide whether you like him.
By the way you have wrote it, id say no. So next time just tell him straight that you arnt looking for a relationship
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