A
female
age
30-35,
*4796
writes:There is this guy named (Sean) we will call him that.About a year ago Sean and I were seeing each other until i decided to get back with my ex.Sean and I would talk every now and then still. We didn't talk for a month after i told him being friends just hurt too much. Well my ex and I aren't together, somehow Sean found out about it and messaged me saying how him and his girlfriend weren't together any longer.We decided to just talk. Eventually it turned into everyday all day for about 2 weeks while he was out of state. Recently he moved back home and I saw him the day after he came home he invited me to a pool party.Any who, met his family that night, stayed the night, NO SEX, left that weekend and we haven't texted as much as we have before. He did tell me that he had recently found out his ex had an abortion and it is messing him up mentally.. I told him i feel like he's pushing me away and he says he isn't at all. He has a graduation party going on this weekend and says he wants me to come, but i feel like he has backed off ALOT... I have NO idea why... Should i confront him before i go to this party? If so, what should i say? Or is he trying to get me back for screwing him over?Please help!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): I think Sean was reaching out to you for support, and nothing more. I think you're reading much more into it than it really is. I have friends who are exes; and they seem to fallback on each other during a time of crisis, or when they need moral support. They bury the hatchet. You could call it friendship or an alliance; but it has a feel like they are back together again.
Sometimes you can rely on old partners to know just what to do in certain situations. In spite of all other problems that existed. He was so upset, he knew nowhere else to turn.
You were in the right place, at the right time. Inviting you to the parties is showing his gratitude, and extending an olive branch.
Once the crisis is over, my friends seem to back-off from each other a again. The closeness that appeared to onlookers to be some sort of reconciliation; was just their co-dependency that kicked-in when they had no one else in their lives at the time.
I think you have one of those situations. Sean knows you are familiar with his emotions; and there isn't any other woman he feels knows him better. You willingly came to his aid, and offered him comfort. There should be no strings attached.
He was having a highly emotional moment, and he needed someone around him that understands his feelings; and he could trust enough to let them all out. He was not necessarily trying to restart your old relationship; and perhaps you may want to readjust your feelings in that area.
You shouldn't "confront" him. It might have been your own misinterpretation of his intentions. He was going through something very shocking and painful. He found his bearings with your help. Maybe you should pull-back yourself; and consider the temporary closeness between you, as a friend helping a friend. Nothing more than that. The closeness was reminiscent of your old relationship when it was good. He is now re-establishing the boundaries that mark where his feelings end.
Sean is cooling it down; because we men tend to do that once we purge our emotions. He has a handle on things now; and doesn't want to look weak and may even be a little embarrassed that you saw him so emotionally vulnerable.
He may seem moody for a while, as he wraps his head around the fact he was almost a father, and that slipped away without his input. He needs your understanding, but you also have to back-off; so your feelings won't reattach misinterpreting his vulnerability and grief; as feelings returning for you. He's not being vindictive. You're feeling sensitive that he's pulling away. You were getting too comfortable.
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