A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A guy I started dating revealed that he had a sexual encounter with another guy when he was younger (in his teens). He says that he was just really sexual and wanted to have sex, didn't care with whom, and so he slept with that guy but that he's not into guys. Is he secretly bisexual or gay and either is in denial or is trying to hide it from me? I can't remember how this conversation even came up.... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): It could be that he is trying to gradually tell you that he is bisexual and does not want to shock you with it. I have had similar experiences in the past and would not mention them to my wife, not because I do not want her to know, but because I know she won't like it. Do I think about it? Yes sometimes. Will I do act on it? Maybe, maybe not.
So his reason for telling depends on what he is thinking and if you really want to know, you need to PRETEND that it was cool that he did it and ask him if he would do it again or has been thinking about it? and of course other questions...
A
female
reader, xtwinklex  +, writes (28 November 2010):
To tell you about this sexual encounter he either feels that it's no big deal, that he's comfortable enough with you to share it or both.
A lot of people experience new feelings and such during that period of life where they are becoming an 'adult' - some of us act on them, some of us don't. And some of the time, feelings experienced during this stage of life remain there.
As teenagers, theres a whole new bunch of hormones rushing around - in the past, the idea was to prepare us for sex as a means to children. Now, as children come a lot later, it leaves a whole lot of sexually charged young adults.
In terms of friendship, it's easier to feel comfortable with people similar to yourself - for example the same gender. When hormones are added, I'd guess it would be easier to experiment with someone you already understand than stepping in to the unknown. It could show why so many teens experiment with friends first. I experimented with girls quite sometime before my first boyfriend - but it wasn't me being a lesbian, but more learning about my body/sexuality with equals (as in, girls..going through the same thing with the same parts :P)
If he says he's not gay or bisexual, you should accept that. I don't see what he would get out of the situation by hiding things like his sexuality from you. Even if he IS bisexual, does that matter?
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