A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I really need some perspective on this! I was dating this amazing guy for almost a year, but then he suddenly broke up with me a week ago saying it was him not me, still wants to be friends, blah blah blah. I can't be friends, so when he calls or texts I ignore them or I text much, much later and keep them informal. So, I was cutting off contact with him to give him time to think. Now, we both have a group of friends, and one of them was going out of town for college, so I was planning a going away get-together thing for him. The problem was, my ex ended up being free that day and being able to come! So I decided to make myself look and act awesome, so that he can see I'm great, and give him more to think about. All of our friends were hanging out together, but my ex was acting weird. He looked unhappy or in deep thought, and he only talked to his best friend and the friend who was leaving. But, I kept my cool and engaged with everyone.So, some of us had to leave because we were carpooling, and some of our friends work overnight, so as I was heading out to my car, my ex comes out of the restaurant and asks for his work shirt. Mind you, he has things like a PS3 still at my house that he hasn't picked up yet! So, I gave him his shirt, and then he hugged me!I realize a lot of you want to tell me to get over him, to let him go, but I am well aware of that. And, I feel that if we have a chance to work things out, then I'm going to keep trying. If he doesn't come back, then I'll accept it. But, I am not so sure this is the case. My question is, "Do you think this is a sign he's reconsidering the breakup?" Thanks for your view on this matter!
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female
reader, xAx  +, writes (3 October 2009):
 No, i don't think this is a sign of reconsiderating the the breakup. I think you're doing what i do - thinking too much.He asked for the work shirt because he needs to go to work and wear it, not because he wants to talk to you. The hug was probably because he felt awkward asking for it and hugged you. You may ask why didn't he ask for the PS3 aswell, but that to him would make it seem more awkward in atmosphere. Plus, it would also make him seem like a failure, which boys don't like feeling( more like a failure because he has to remind himself of how much of him he has in your house etc).However, all you have told me is not something particularly negative. For example, he didn't call you a slut loudly( which is a definate negative).I don't think you should give up on him as he so far hasn't shown any true signs of his regret or approval of the breakup.In my opinion from what you said also, you have been giving him the impression that you don't want to talk to him( because you haven't been replying to his texts). Boys are dumb, they can't figure out anything unless you actually tell them. So far, he is probably thinking that you are trying to ignore him ( because of not replying to his texts) and hence why he only spoke to you at the end of the party.I think you should reply to his texts normally like you would with him. Also, it would be a good idea if you tell him something like "you were a good boyfriend" so he feels better about himself ( as his reasons for leaving were because of him and not you - he may even left the relationship because he thought he was failing. Ask yourself, did you give him the impression he was failing?). If you are confident enough, tell him that you miss him. If you don't try, then you may regret not trying in the future and lose him. However, i'm not saying to reveal all your love for him, as if he doesn't want you back, it will make things awkwards afterwards between you two.Also, i know that ( from books and internet), most of the time, when boys leave the relationship, they tend to have another girl lined up. Boys don't like feeling like failures and go to someone else who would make them feel great about themselves( this is the main reason why men cheat in relationships). Though, i'm not saying he cheated on you during the relationship, but i just want you to think back and ask yourself if he was getting too close to another girl while being in a relationship with you.I hope this helps!Best of luck X
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