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Is he really trying to get closer to me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 June 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

i got to experience a very strange thing one night. i was with this man, and he said/did a series of things which made me wonder if there was something between us.

the relationship between us is: he's married, i've got a boyfriend. we're friends.

first he noticed my earrings (which i wear everyday); and asked, how come you're suddenly wearing earrings???

and then he asked me to take off my glasses so he could see my face better.

and then he keeps saying how he hates having to drink with people he doesn't like, or entertain them purely for work, but how he would rather enjoy drinking with people he likes (im guessing referencing me). and he says he's always admired girls who can drink (again referencing me), even though i can't really drink.

and lastly, we're sitting at the table, and i'm saying something, and suddenly he just stretches out his arm and brushes my hair off my neck and tucks it behind my ear.

it all didn't strike me as anything, until he did something "physical". so could there possibly be something more than just friends and banter?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i don't know really. i'm not one to make the first move. but actually i believe he's got more than enough sense than that to destroy his own marriage.

but sigh, yup once again, i wish we could just be more honest with one another. at least then i could understand all these feelings and not have to feel so damn confused.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

If it came down to it, would you rather lose your boyfriend or your friendship with this married man? I'm asking because it sounds like you're more interested in this married man than in your boyfriend. I won't analyze that though, you will know better.

The behavior is definitely not innocent, and I doubt you'll get closure until his behavior escalates or you confront him, unfortunately. And from these little incidents, it's hard to even ascertain WHY he's doing what he's doing; so who knows what his intentions are).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for the reply. hmm, well i really didn't think anything like that would happen. i really was not expecting that sort of behavior because we normally NEVER discuss feelings for each other or flirt or anything.

we're just good friends. but i suppose if there were ever we had met under different circumstances, we might have a chance at something.

i think it's not that i wish to start something, but i think more to understand the situation better.. at least to get some closure. i don't know, am i thinking too much, and if this really isn't innocent behavior, why can't he just be honest with me?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

Do you want there to be something?

The problem is you are both in relationships. Is this something you're okay with? Do you care for your boyfriend? Are you okay with starting a relationship with a man who is married?

His behavior certainly doesn't seem innocent. If you are uncomfortable with it or don't want anything like that with him, just tell him to stop because you are uncomfortable.

Of course, if you DO want something, then that's a different story....

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