A
female
age
36-40,
*rissy27blue
writes:Long story,here is the short version:dated a guy C for almost 4 years but we split 13 months ago(last yr in June).A couple of mths later I started dating my guyfriend who we should call J and we dated until Feb. of this year.All I can say is that the break up was one of the ugliest to man kind,no contact rule,yes he was dealing with a lot from his father losing his job to also dealing with his dad's lung cancer spreading and the loss of his uncle last semester.Anyways our friend became our mutual friend and was stuck in the middle for almost 4 months of chaos.All I know is that after the break up I put my life on hold for 3 weeks,I hit rock bottom,had a nervous break down in front of my mom and sister which I never did and somehow along the way met these two amazing girls who helped me make A's and turn my life around.My friends kept me grounded,I was making A's in 2 classes,a B in another,my ex was going after my best friend which was the mutual friend between the two of us,he was doing everything to literally annoy me.He showed no mercy,nothing.We did not speak yet hung out at the same bar where there was too much tension,in March or April I think he proposed to me and I said yes even though we have not seen each other or spoken in ages.I was introduced to his father as his fiance,his father gave us his blessings,etc...We talked like we never parted,he told me how much he loved me,13 hrs later the engagement is off and I found out that he was drunk when he proposed!He wanted to be friends with me after that,made a stupid comment of how if I wanted to be with him he asked me if I would get a breast augmentation job from a B to almost a D..I am 120 lbs tops,5 ft 5 inches and am petite and 25 yrs in age!I said thanks but no thanks..He borrowed my friend's Quran and never returned it and here is the real drama:my friend's Quran(she is Muslim) is a family heirloom so she had to make up all these excuses of where it was.My ex did not give the Quran back to my friend because he gave her an ultimatum choosing friends(him or I) and she chose me over him.Resentment built and I have no idea what his deal was even though he said he would return it when he had time which he did when he was not at work for 3 days.Finally I Twittered him and told him to return the Quran and he never replied as he stopped following me.My friend messaged him on fb and he finally said to meet her somewhere but he never gave a sign of life.I finally had it!In May I called him and told him to give the Quran back to my friend!I mean my friend stood by my side for 16 weeks for hell and I could do the same for her..Next thing I know I get a message from him on fb at like 5am saying how we should get together and I was like wtf?SO i replied with" who is this" and "is this some joke"?Also a second message was sent telling him that if he wanted to talk he knew where to contact me.Next day his fb account is down!I talk with my friend whose Quran is missing and she told me she talked with my ex!He is mad at my friend for telling me abt the Quran and at me!What the hell?He messages me but he is mad at me?I get it we broke up on bad terms!Shouldn't he let it go or something and why does he resent my friend?She did not do anything to him in this break up!I am confused on what he wants!I know he took me out of his life..No contact via ne things:no cell,no fb,no twitter,no aim,nothing!So what is his problem?Just because I stood up for my friend that makes him mad?Is he kidding?
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at work, best friend, broke up, drunk, fiance, muslim, my ex, petite Reply to this Question
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female
reader, crissy27blue +, writes (11 July 2010):
crissy27blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question I do not hate the guy I just cannot forgive him!He cannot forgive me either for not telling him that I was pregnant and had a miscarriage when together..I kept that a secret from him from December until when I told him in April or so..I get it he is resentful when he found out that my teachers knew but I had to tell them, I almost got kicked out of my 4 classes,I passed one final out of the 4 taken, was depressed for 3 weeks and he thought we split duringthat time since I did not speak with him at all.To be honest I barely spoke with anyone,I secluded myself,I cried,I turned to my 3 friends who knew about my miscarriage and who took me to a private health clinic since after the miscarriage I had some complications(lining remained inside).My ex that I dated for 4 yrs,C, he was there by my side thru this whole time.Why didn't I tell my then bf now dumb asshole ex?WEll because his uncle passed away exactly when I found out I was pregnant and itw a bad timing.With the whole miscarriage I thought I could manage it on my won,my ex when I told him abt the pregnancy and miscarriage mocked me.He asked me whose it was as if I was cheating on him with my ex(guy I dated for 4 yrs),he asked 6 questions and then said that he did not want any more drama or stress in his life.You know what?I left my ex alone a long time ago but I do not think he is over me.I still have the charm bracelet he gave me yes as a reminder,some pics somewhere saved on a flashdrive that I threw in my closet somewhere.I let him stop me from living my life once and many more times but no more!I have a new start and a new life..My friend with the Quran does not want anything to do with him because he resents her and so forth but at the end of the day he needs to let it go!I moved on,I have a wondeful family who loves me and most of all am looking for the job that I want!If he cannot understand that I will not be there for him then I guess that he does not realize how much I grew up and stopped putting up with anyone's bull after the break up!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Since you are 22 to 25 I reckon that your ex is about your age..and this is amazing because all this story is totally high school, or maybe even middle school, drama.
Just thank God that you got rid of such a clown and try to be more selective in your choices in future. Your ex probabbly is just attention seeking, like a spoiled child, -just like to be under the spotlight and cause your reaction, and so far you played along with him just the way he wanted. Stop doing this. Stop giving him any attention. Maybe he is acting weird because of the stress in his family, or because he is drinking too much... but this is not your problem anymore. Too bad for her friend's Quran, but she is an adult too, let her retrieve it be her own means, or suffer the consequences of her choices. As for you, again,just be glad that you are out of this kindergarten, at your age you should appreciate more mature company.
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