A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am an 18 year old collage student. My friends consider me good looking and even knowing me do not believe that I am a virgin at times. I have everything, and everything that a teenage girl could want...except a serious relationship, I fear letting people get close to me physically or emotionally and have a hard time making eye contact at times. I am interested in a guy that I work with who is in his mid 20's, in his teens he is a self admitted major playor. We made out a few weeks ago and his hands didn't "slip" anywhere, he lightly touched my face and my knee but nothing in between. We talk a lot, we have called a couple times but mostly text, some nights all night long, cause I can't sleep or he has work to get done. He says that he really likes me but does not want to be anyone's first. We also work together and people at work already assume we are involved due to our flirting. At times he slaps my butt and jokes around with me a lot. He is always trying to get me to make eye contact and has noticed that I have gotten better at it. He keeps telling me that he really likes me but it worries him that I pull back and that I do not make a move. The other night we got in a fight but made up shortly later and I started kissing him and he kissed back, when I pulled away he asked me to hang out with him and his friends but I didn't go. Next night texting he had said that the situation was a bad idea, working together, the age gap, my lack of experience, it would never work. I asked him why he didn't pull back when I kissed him and he said because I surprised him but it was more then one kiss and he kissed back. He says that I would not be able to handle him and that I am to young to know what I want but it is not him, but he still likes me and wants to keep talking and remain friends. My question - is he playing me...or does he really think that I could not handle the situation? If he is playing me what do I do...if he isn't playing me how do I prove that he is what I want and that I can handle anything he dishes out?
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female
reader, sugarsweet  +, writes (13 February 2009):
I don't think it's a case if he's playing you hun, from what i can see it's a maturity issue.I've got a 25 year old boyfriend and i wasn't a virgin before we met. However i did ask him if it would of made any difference and he said it would as he's been peoples first before and they have then gone and accused him of pressuring them into it and unfortuantly this is the case with alot of males. At the end of the day being a virgin is precious and you should wait until you find a guy who treats you with affection and you love.I don't think that guy could be playing you as for a start you've only kissed players usually date and have sex with lots of different partners while kissing can happen with other people when you go to partys ect and it wouldn't been seen as playing but as fun and the fact he wants to cut it off shows he isn't one as he'd comence the situation to the next level. It sounds more like he doesn't want to hurt you and sees you as vulnerable because your a virgin as you don't ahve the experience behind you, which is certainly not a bad thing.He obviously doesn't wnat to hurt you so my advice is just remain friends and see where it leads, the fact that you protect yourself is good as it means you have less chance of getting hurt. Being friends is a great thing and for now it sounds like the right way to just don't let him mess you around or change his mind. I hope this helps and makes you feel better
A
male
reader, anoms +, writes (13 February 2009):
 no i wouldnt say he's playing you, when a guy wants somthing like that they make it pretty clear and rarely play around with it, if he says he just wants to be friends then thats perfectly feasible. as im also a virgin i find i probably overeact and overthink these silly little signals, but stay friends, hang out enjoy it and who knows where it may lead, gudluk.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (13 February 2009):
 This guys wants to have sex with you. He likes you in that way, and if he is a past player than you are a challenge to him. However, it seems like it's gotten too hard ...meaning he has to work too hard to get you into bed and he's given up. OR...he could be using reverse phycology. whatever the case, it is not a good idea to sleep with your collegue. If this is your first experience sexually then i say forget him and save it for your first serious relationship. You don't want to give something so special away to a player. They will break your heart. Make sure he's your boyfriend and its serious before you become sexual. whatever the case, he is older with a lot more experience. and trust me on this. He wants sex...
make him want a relationship...then give the sex
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A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (13 February 2009):
 I'd back off, and just treat him as a colleague, and here's why.
If he's playing you, that is, trying to manipulate you into a sexual relationship, then you don't want any part of that, right? You want someone who is serious and kind, I assume.
If he's serious, that he thinks there is too great an age difference between you, then maybe he's right. If he's reluctant to initiate a virgin, that's probably because he knows he's not serious and will just end up hurting you.
So back right off. And if he decides you're worth being serious about, then he'll come to you.
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