A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, but the past year we have been in a long distance relationship since I had to move a few states away for school. The long distance has been hard on us, but we've managed to make it through and stay together. We are both super excited for the end of the summer because I am going to be moving to another school close by him and we'll get to be together all the time! However, I will be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family who lives states away. My boyfriend and I were on the phone last night and he said that it makes him upset that I will not get to spend Christmas with him because it is his favorite holiday. I said it will be ok because I'll get to spend the whole holiday season with him except the actual Christmas day, and I will get to be with him on every other holiday except Thanksgiving. Then he got really mad and said I do not understand and I was just pissing him off by saying that. He refused to talk to me the rest of the night and still will not talk to me. I think he is being super over reactive and very immature and ungrateful. He does not care that I will be there the whole Christmas season and every other time of the year just because I will not be there on the actual Christmas day. I said I hope he understands that I want to spend it with my family and he should spend it with his, but that only made him even more mad. Am I right or wrong and what should I say to calm him down?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 July 2013):
Hi there. I think the only way to calm him down, is to come to some arrangement about Christmas and Thanksgiving.
These are two major days in the USA, and they are days when two people who love each other, would normally be together to share in those joyful occasions.
And he is clearly very disappointed by this outcome.
And that is why he is very understably, angry about it.
And I can understand this, and especially as you have been so far away from each other, and for so long.
And now this.
It seems there needs to be some kind of compromise here.
Christmas goes for a whole day.
And so why not one of you goes to lunch with the other one's family.
And then they come back to the other one's house for the evening meal.
I realize that in the USA, they seem to have a big celebration on Christmas Eve.
And then more celebrations on Christmas Day.
And so there is certainly room for an arrangement here, as I see it.
And then coming to some arrangement about Thanksgiving Day, before that.
Just as long as you DO see each other at SOME time during both of those days - and not JUST a phone call.
And then you will probably find, that all will be happy about it.
In relationships, it often does come down to some kind of compromise.
And unless you are prepared to make some compromises - and him also - well then you are going to go on arguing and arguing, with no end in sight.
And I know you don't want that - and nor does he.
Compromises DON'T mean that you give up everything you believe in.
It just means that you are both willing to meet halfway.
And this is completely reasonable, I promise you.
Then it is a WIN/WIN for all parties concerned.
And what could be better than that?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): Wow.. He is overreacting!! You are totally in the right!! Why shouldn't you want to speaks time with your family on Christmas day.. It's a time for family. Though does he not like bis family is that why he wants you??
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