A
female
age
30-35,
*bbii_xxx
writes:okk this is kinda a hard topic for me to talk about and iv asked al my friends and they have all said to just leave him.. but i realy like this guy but the problem is, is that im only just turned 17 and hes nearly 20 and asian so his family dont no what he gets up to. but even though hes asian he still drinks smokes and does drugs. but the main problem is, is that he is using me harshly for sex...iv only slept with him twise but we did have a thing between us a few months ago which ended when i got my boyfriend which was one of his friends... but now im not with him anymore we have stared to sleep with each other and both times havnt used a condom :/i really dont no what to do anymore as he has even told me during sex that he wants to be a "sex buddy" with me. But now hes always asking to meet up with me and i no its basically only for sex, and i no that even though i shouldnt i will end up sleeping with him because i just cant seem to say no to him. he just doesnt seem to realise that i want more than sex... please can i have some advice on this. thank you soo much xx
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condom, drugs, smokes Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (4 January 2011):
 hi
please try not to get carried away with these 'falling in love' feelings. take a step back, slow down and have a GOOD look at the situation and believe me, i KNOW that's hard to do! get some self esteem and tell yourself that only someone really special DESERVES your love and body. if you decide that's him, so be it but i'm guessing that you got BIG doubts about him already already or else you wouldn't be here asking a question like this. try telling him 'no' sometimes and see if he's still interested in spending time with you.
good luck hun xx
A
female
reader, Abbii_xxx +, writes (4 January 2011):
Abbii_xxx is verified as being by the original poster of the question omg thank you soo much guys..that has really helped because i know as much as it will hurt because 2bh i think i am falling in love with him but i need to move on and yer the no contraception thing was stupid of me and i havnt come on my period since the last time :/ but thank you soo much xx bless you all xxx
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (3 January 2011):
hi
if he has told you that he wants a sex buddy that is what he wants. now you should tell him what you want. if he doesn't want to commit to anything more, he is free to leave, at least you have told him what you expect. it is likely though that when you tell him that you want commitment, proper relationship he might offer this but be careful: words are always easy, he will need to SHOW you, not just tell you. you need to stop letting him just turn up and have sex with you. you will expect to spend time with him doing other things together that don't involve sex. what are his commitments to his family? will they want him to have an arranged marriage or at least to marry someone who is from the same culture? if this is the case then i think you should let him go if you cant accept that you and him will one day HAVE TO break up. if you do insist on letting this sex buddy situation carry on: PLEASE stop having sex with no condom!
xx
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A
female
reader, sunandstars +, writes (3 January 2011):
To be perfectly honest with you, he doesn't sound like the kind of person who you'd want to have a serious relationship with if he does drugs and drinks a lot etc, and he definitely doesn't sound like the kind of person who could father a child, so I think you should stop having unprotected sex with him and leave him. It sounds like you could do much better as you obviously want a loving relationship, I don't think this person is the one who can give you that. Sorry to be harsh, but I hope it helps.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Sweetheart... guys will use you for as much as you'll give. If you give him no strings sex, then why will he bother committing? If you want more, your going to have to talk to him and tell him how you feel. No commitment, no sex.
Honestly, I know how great it feels when your together and everything seems perfect and you feel loved, but just think of the hurt you'll feel afterwards when its over and he's basically like 'see you later.' Is it worth it?
He's said that he wants you to be fuck buddies. That will only work if neither of you have feelings for the other and its purely for sex, and sounds like you do have feelings for him. It will hurt like a bitch, but your gonna have to just end things, unless he decides he wants more, or else it will get harder and harder to let go. Sex is always really emotional for women, more than it is for men, so be careful, your becoming attached and if he doesnt want more its best to leave him and show him he cant use you. If you want any more advice, or to chat just message me, believe me, been there hun. Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, peaches.n.cream  +, writes (3 January 2011):
I remember how it is to be a teenager and feel the bliss of falling in love for the first time. You are a sweet young lady who is just beginning to get into a new phase in your life where relationships with people--regardless of whether they're platonic or romantic seem to matter more than anything else around you. First of, you are only 17, there are waaay too many opportunities waiting for you in the future. Having unprotected sex at your age is like gambling all that and more. I am not condoning what you are doing but I also understand that ladies your age have the tendency to 'explore' things and try them out for the first time. If you feel that it is right, then go do it, but please,please use a condom or be on birth control. Now, as far as the emotional aspect of your story is concerned, I would say that it is better for you to look at things in a bigger perspective. This guy obviously is using you for sex. You know that and you have somehow conceded to being his 'sex buddy' when you met with him a couple of times. He laid out his intentions and you were made aware of what this relationship will be since the beginning. It is not his fault if he is horny, its natural, but it is also not right for you to sell yourself short because you deserve more than what he can offer. I would advise that you weigh things yourself. What matters more to you, self-respect or love? Is it really 'love' in the first place? Does this guy make you happy or is he bringing more heartaches than cheer in your life? If it were me, I would walk away now while it hasnt gotten any deeper yet. The longer you stay in this set-up, the harder it will be for you to let go and pick-up the pieces to make yourself whole again when things fall apart. I know it might be painful now, but a "scratch" always heals faster than a "deep cut".Good luck and God Bless you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): This is really sad, you need to think more of yourself. You are being used, pure and simple. Do not have sex with him, and for goodness sake get wise to contraception. If you deny him sex I doubt if you'll see much of him. You must learn to love yourself, do not let people treat you as a convienience, you are worth more than that, everyone is.
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A
male
reader, lovingceasar +, writes (3 January 2011):
STOP!! dont ruin your life!
1st of hes doing drugs? NO!
2nd he hurts you in bed? NO!
3rd he wants you to be his sex buddy? no condoms? NOOO!
You have your whole life ahead of you hes obviously just sees you as a sex toy.... you shouldnt hang out any more........ thats not how you treat a lady!
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