A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone at dear cupidIm very lost and confused at the moment i really really like this guy have done for many months even when he got a gf i liked him,(which he has since split with)Anyway yes i have slept with him a few times but nothing seems to come of it, I often look after his dog for him while he can go out maybe thats my own fault for saying yes to it but well like ive said i do like him a lot, Anyway i looked after his animal again last night and usually something does happen but this time nothing did and now i feel like poo because of it, i stay round his house when do look after him, and this morning woke up late and, stayed there til bout 1.00 we played on the playstation and just talking really, then he got a phonecall saying bout going out and who ever was on the other end must have said was i still hear and he said yeah still hear just playing on the playstation, then he said half an hour. Anyway i asked if he was doing anything nice and he said just meeting a mate going round hers first then prob burger king. And i was there thinkin oh this your new gf is it but couldnt bring myself to say it.Is it so hard for a guy 2 realise that someone does like him especially when they offer to look after his animals well he can go out, Or he does no just aint intrested justy sex every now and then.. People say i should say something to him about how i feel but i really cant just incase of what i hear bk??ANY ANY ADVICE YOU GUYS CAN GIVE ME ITS GETTING ME DOWN NOW. Thanks sally Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (30 October 2010):
You seem to have acted like all you wanted was sex. Next time, with the next man, try to really have conversations and outings before you get physical with him. Act like a lady and like you deserve a relationship, no demands or ultimatums. With this guy I say pull back, when he ask why just say...I did not see us going anywhere so I have been hanging out with friends etc. If he picks it up from there great but do not shout your love from the rooftop.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Please remember Agony Aunts and Uncles, this guy you say is using this female..did NOT ask her to watch over his dog, he did NOT force her into bed, from her posting she was happy to fall into it - that is NOT critique of the female, as she is entitled to do as she pleases, but it is IMPORTANT before putting the usual label on the guy, as I'm seeing so often on DC, that the female makes herself available to the guy, has sex with him BEFORE being dated, then the GUY gets called a user, and she deserves better.
Of course she deserves better, but will ONLY happen, when SHE commands better of herself, and not jump into a bed with guy because he's cute, or she likes him, without FIRST being in a relationship. She has openly admitted she ASKED to watch over the dog, he has merely taken what was on offer, what was placed in front of him. He did NOT try to create this situation...she could have said NO, but she didn't!
Jilly
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Call me crazy but doesn't he owe you some money for watching his dog? Or were you doing it out of generosity but trying to get closer to him?
Starting off on sex and you won't get any further except for bedroom. He's just using you for sex when he needs to get his kicks, and for watching his dog. Which if it's a puppy then I see where it would require some attention. But then again the dog is his responsibility, he should take care of his animal. So stop watching his dog, or start asking for some compensation (not sex), and stop sleeping with this guy because it's just messing with your head. If you want keep it as friends, but I wouldn't even give him that..
...............................
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Find something better to do. Stop being available for a guy who's just rewarding you with sex for looking after his dog.
By the way, I've just remembered a movie quote:
Him: Hey, do you have any plans for tonight?
Her: No...
Him: Great! Can you watch after my dog?
It's up to you to pull yourself away from him.
Best wishes!
...............................
A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (24 October 2010):
He's using for sex and looking after his dog,and maybe a little bit of company but nothing more basically. He has no intentions of anything more, i can guarantee you from what you've written. Get away from him and move on with your life. You deserve a better man who will love you, respect you, and not take you for granted.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Yes..a uncomfortable situation for you, but YOU have to take control of what you want and what you're looking for. Guys are not like females, don't think the same, and you offering to look after his lovely dog - means probably just that to him!
You say you don't want to ask him about this female he was going to have burger with, was it, because you're afraid of what he'll say back. So you have ended up in this situation, because ONE: you've slept with guy who you have NOT established first, IF you and him are girlfriend and boyfriend, dating, and item. TWO: Sleeping with a guy when you go around to look after his dog, IF this is the ONLY time you sleep with him, does not equal a relationship, he is likely thinks you're quite happy with this arrangement as you haven't said otherwise, you've just gone along with it.
I'm not clear why a dog needs looking after whilst he goes out for an evening or a night, especially if it's been walked and fed before he goes out, but I'm presuming it is YOU who has used this as a way of entering his life, rather than him choosing to ask you out on dates and consider you as a potential girlfriend.
Really you have to assert clearly what you want, and if you're not happy sleeping with a guy as and when, then you also need to make that clear, and just NOT do it, until and IF you know you are in a potential relationship.
I thinks it's time you TALK to him and be prepared to be open with what you're looking for, and IF it's not what he's looking for, then at least you know, and from that you can make choices on facts instead of guessing.
Take control!
Jilly
...............................
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Honey, I'm sorry you are in such a situation...you shouldn't have slept with him without first going on dates or forming a relationship. Then, the man has nothing to chase or hang around for and can write you off as easy. He's using you now...I suggest you stop pursuing him-it's only more heartbreak for you. If he asks for favors, you're busy and that's it. You don't deserve this. Show him you respect yourself. If he tries to hook up, don't go for it. It may be tempting but...just hold your head and say no. Avoid situations where you're alone with him. The hurt is gonna stick around for a while but better that than the concentrated pain that comes from being a full-time booty call. I wish you all the best. xx
...............................
|
