A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there. Let's get straight to the topic.I'm a control freak. I accept it, as it seems quite obviuos to me.I want to know, where exaclty my gf is every hour of the day. I want to know, who she's with and what they are doing. One day she said she wanted to go dance to the club with her girlfriend overnight, which I strongly disapproved, soher girlfriend went there alone.To get it clear, I don't have any trust issues (although her ex almost blew my nose and called my gf a lot of bad words, for which I, in turn, blew his). I just feel like I care too much.Sometimes she's not home at night, like tonight, she's sleeping over at her girlfriend's. And that's when I feel least secure, without keeping in touch with her every now and then via facebook or having her around.How do you guys deal with this? This is my first seriuos relationship, and I feel like I need to have things under control, and sometimes start to behave like my Mom. I know that's wrong, but I feel really insecure otherwise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): Like the previous response said- its good you are aware of your need to be in control and even better that you want to get it under control.
So how to deal with this?
I think you should approach your girlfriend and tell her your aware of your rather over the top need to be in control but with her help you think you can work towards a more stable place in your relationship with her, knowing that if you don't it could ultimately drive her away. But by asking her to understand and do her part to help you feel secure, you can over come this really well!
Let her know the relationship is important to you and you want to do the right thing and respect her space as well.
It might be necessary at first that she check in with you here and there.
Maybe you don't feel comfortable with her friends? So have a party or small get together at your place so you can get to know her friends, interact with them, and see how she is with them. Build friendships with her friends, too.
When she does go out to see her friends, why don't you do the same with yours? Or get really involved in a hobby that will distract your focus from trying to keep in touch with her.
Just some ideas.
A
male
reader, Presario2010  +, writes (4 August 2012):
I'am in the same situation, i just started dating a girl and i feel like a control freak and i try to contact her and even spy on her on facebook and see that she is not talking to other guys online, but lately i'am just doing my own thing getting involved with me and just doing things with my life and when i do that i forget i have a girl and i just dont even think about her. So i think it would be better to do you, as well being together every minute of the day is not such a good idea, i have come to see. You girlfriend will want to do her own things and some things i think she will want to keep secret, so maybe i think you have some as well, like when she wanted to go to the club, she will do her thing and you will do your own thing, but i understand you alot, it's difficult to stop this habit because it's like an urge its just like breathing we just have to do it, but think about it this way if she leaves you, will it be because you were controling?
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