A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is my situation: A guy told me he was interested in me on out first date and afterwards we went out on some dates. The guy is very nice to me. He is also shy when he is with me but he is not shy when he talks to other girls. He has difficult to look into my eyes all the time. He is not shy with the other girls. He always laughs and joke with girls. I told him that makes me that I don't like that beacause it seems that he is ignoring me and like them. He said several times he doesn't want to have a relationship with them. He were friends in one year, but they never went out togeher or such things. (Before we became friends he made me very jealous.And he was so happy about making me jealous.) On our last date I told him that I am a virgin. He was surprised and he told me he never had a relationship before without sex. I told him that we have to know eachother well before having sex. He asked me a few questions that he is afraid that I would not like having sex with him. I told him to think if he if he accept what I told him, and tell me his answer. Twice I told him " think, but tell me your answer". He said yes.In the end of our meeting he told me twice "So I will be your first" and "It could be so that I would be your first". The next day I met him at school he said hi to me and we talked a little. He also talked a little with his friends (girls)even though they talked a lot with him. He told them that he could not sleep, he slept after 4 o'clock in the morning. I saw him one week afterwards and we said hi to each other. He seemed surprised and happy to see me. When I later went to talk to him, we talked a little. He seemed busy. I asked him are you busy he said yes I am working with the homework that has to be done today. So I left him.But I saw that he talked and laughed with the other girls (but he talked and laughed much less than he is used to). 2 hours later I was him standing beside my bench(near the window) talking to a female (I could hear her voice from 5 meters). When he saw me coming he went to the window beside. I still could hear her very loud voice. He told her he is coming soon. All this made me so jealous that I ignored him and went without saying goodbye. I thought he has time to talk to others but not me. And who is this woman on mobile?The day after, we said hi to each other.He was laughing with other girls.I ignored him because I was jealous. When I saw him a little later he smiled very very big and said hi twice. I smiled a little and answered. I still was jealous, because he all the time is laughing and joking with the other girls. He looked at me and my body several time that day. I also think that he did not want to make me to jealous: When he saw me that I was so jealous, he later left the place. And because he is popular, all the other gilrs also left the place after him. Still, he laughs and joke with them much less than he is used to.I saw him was 2 days after. He smiled big and said Hi to me. I replied. He seems that he still like me. He folowed me and looked at my body. ( his body language says that he still like me but he is enjoying something or is very happy). That day we had one lesson together. I ignored him becuase I still was angry at him when he ignored me that day but not the other girls. He did not talk to me. He talked to other girls and laughed a little bit. He seemed happy. He talked about what 2 other girls wrote to him. He said that one was mean and but the other nice. He talked about wine and a trip he will make or made.In the end of the lesson, Someone send him sms twice and both times he replied.Then he left the lesson 10 min earlier than us. He said to the teacher I am sorry I have to go. That was on friday.Two weeks before was our last date when I told him I am virgin. Until now he did not answer me.What shall I do. Does not he want a relationship with me anymore? I did not talk to him about this subject because I did not want to pressure him. Why is he making me jealous? He knows that I don't like these girls. I also think the feels that when he talks to these girls I do not want to join them. Because the girls like him, and if they feel that I like him they will chase him even more. That bothers me. The girls are good looking and very very flirty.Why is he ignoring me? But at the same time he seems he likes me? Is he making me jealous to make me want him more? This guy is very popular and used to that girls admire him. Please tell me, what shall I do. I do not want to leave him. On every date I had with him (except the last one) I told him if you are not interested then simply tell me. He said yes. But also that he is interested. So, why is he not telling me if he still want a relationship with me. I am confused. Shall I give him more time to think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): If you are already so jealous before even having a relationship with him, think about how much more jealous you will be after you have a relationship with him. You seem like the obsessive and possessive type. You will never be happy with such a guy who is so popular with girls. He will only make you insecure. He will not change his ways with girls for you. Stop thinking about him and move on. My ex-bf of 2.5 years was a similar type of guy. He is popular and girls like him. He told me he has changed. Yet I still caught him constantly flirting and hitting on girls. Everything made me so jealous and insecure and being in that relationship was a torture for me mentally. From your description, you sound like me, and you do not have what it takes to be with a guy like that. It will drive you insane.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 October 2009):
Talk to him. Ask him why he's ignoring you and whether he wants a relationship. Guys are really bad at knowing what women want, so you have to sit him down and speak to him about it. He might be trying to make you jealous, but who knows. He probably isn't sure about how you feel about it. Talk to him and see what he says. Good luck.
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