A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2 or 3 months and I'm having the time of my life. It seemed that he was too, but over the last 2 weeks or so he hasn't been sending me the cute little messages he used to or giving me compliments when we're together. I asked him lots of questions about it last night and he said that he is in love with me and I have nothing to worry about, but I'm not convinced. He said he just doesn't like that we do the same thing every weekend, which is fair enough but I couldn't be happier in his company whatever we're doing. This is going to change - I've agreed that we will make a point of doing something different each weekend - but it bothers me that he needs this to keep him interested when I'm happy with how things are now. The most worrying thing though, is that he said "I only love you a tiny bit less than I did". When I asked him what he meant by it and why he said it, he said "I don't really love you any less, I just thought that was what happens to all relationships so I thought I had to say it" After this he said "I just don't know what is going on in my head at the moment, but this has nothing to do with us so don't worry". But why would he say that he loved me less now if he didn't mean it?!He is a very confused and emotionally fragile person and he said himself that he never even knows how he feels, and has had depression for two years. I would really love to know how he feels, but if he doesn't know then how can I? I know he cares about me very much because he always listens to what I say and tries so hard to make me happy. For example, a couple of weeks ago I mentioned that it upset me that he watched porn (I didn't ask him to stop!) and he said he wouldn't do it anymore. I looked on his computer history yesterday and he had kept his promise. He's just such a wonderful and caring guy and all I want is to keep him as happy as he makes me.Should I leave things as they are and trust that he is happy with me, or do things need pressing further? I just want to keep on enjoying myself but I need him to be completely satisfied with me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): Sorry, there was a typo.
First, I misread your question and thought you asked him to stop looking at porn. It's good you didn't, and I agree, it does show that he cares quite a bit about you if he stopped on his own.
Secondly, I didn't meant to say to "now press further," I meant "not press further."
Just focus on the good stuff, and don't over-analyze the rest. He will feel appreciated if you are confident in your relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): Thank you MaggieMay, your answer has reassured me. How do I go about pressing further without making it sound like I'm trying to make him run laps for me? And I would never expect him not to look at porn again, which is why I wouldn't have asked him to stop. I just thought that the fact he did stop of his own accord must show something about his feelings for me, right?I'll try to relax a bit more. I've always had this problem with friendships too =/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): My advice is to now press further.
Guys need a break after awhile. They need to feel comfortable in a relationship. They don’t like to feel like they have to run laps to prove their love for their women forever.
As far as the porn thing goes, it’s nice that he stopped, but it’s unrealistic to expect that he will never look at porn again. Virtually every guy does, and there is really nothing wrong with it.
Be secure in your relationship. Sounds like things are going well. Don’t hurt the relationship by focusing on everything that isn’t exactly how you would want it.
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