A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love me girlfriend very much and I feel she loves me, but there are things in life that I want that she doesn't share, she doesn't share my ambitions in life and doesn't see our future as I see it.Is this something that we can get over or is it something that we can put to the side as life is all about comprimise. We have been together for 5 years and have compromised a lot already.What I want from Life and what she wants is very different and is something that we argue a lot about as what I want is different to what I get.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): I really do think that you need to have a good basis of things in common. Relationships need more than love. You need strong connectors. You really do. I had to learn this the hard way. I was with a guy who treated me very well and I was so in love with him. We disagreed a lot and had very different interests and outlooks. we broke up eventually. I was missing him and wanting him back for a long time. Even though I still miss him from time to time, I am happier because I'm free to work on attaining my goals and putting my energy towards positive things for my life... not trying to change someone and feeling frustrated more than I needed to. He is also doing a lot more for himself now. There is always compromise in relationships but there really needs to be things that really bring you two together! I eventually met someone with some of the same intests and realized how even though a part of me loves and misses certain things about my ex, I am more at ease and on my way to a better relationship that has room for my passions.
I know that my ex and I simply don't have the compatibility to make a relationship work down the road. I'd consider your long term happiness. Hers as well. It could be difficult to seperate, but you will then be free to find the things you're both really yearning for. You don't want to resent each other later. It's tough advice, but it's what I've learned.
A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (30 October 2008):
hiyah a relationship wouldnt work if you both wanted exactally the same! a normal relationship includes a mix of different furture possibilities you both bring in together. however at some point you have to join togther and if its really heading two sepreate ways theres only one answer and thats to end it im afraid, but i think given the fact youve had 5 years and yes it may have been a strain but youve copped and come through the other end together, that sort of 'journey' in itself strengthens what you have for the possible future. so rmember this.
its normal to argue a lot and you dont have a set plan in life you hit different spots you didnt plan throughout.
i cannot judge from what you have said, but what i can say is 5 years is a long time why waste something good for something you physically cannot plan until it happens? (if you get me) youve come through a lot and as your getting older and used to each other more it seems yes you do have different outlooks but what you should be focusing on is if you can carry on together for say another 5 years?
if you both want seperate things completely and can think of no other way of a compromise then the best and only thing to do is go seperate ways and learn from it as an experiance.
the future is always there you just have to realise if its always there for you two together.
best of luck in sorting it out- ps dont rush things before there time. i know it sounds cheesey but why not try taking each day as it comes? yes plans need to be made at some point but set plans come later on. once you pass this you will see what you can have togeher, its just getting there. this sort of thing can make or break you. x
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