A
female
age
30-35,
*lohaServedDaily
writes:I was in my very first serious relationship with a guy for 5 months before he left for basic training for the millitary, I didnt hear from him but slowly started finding out that there was another girl in his life, his ex girlfriend before me. we broke up because I told him I knew, he never gave me a straight answer. And the bad part, He got married to that girl 3 weeks later, that was December last year in 2007! He still writes to me til this day once in awhile telling me he misses me and that he wishes he could see me and all that good stuff. He knows that I know about his wife and STILL he continues to torture me this way. He tells me he's unhappy with her and that he regrts it because she now treats him like a doormat. yeah, karmas a bitch but he doesnt exactly see that. I dont know how to make sense about any of this. Im 17 years old and he just turned 22 this month Im from Hawaii and he's now stationed in Texas. Im stuck and I just want some kind of advice.let's make this clear; Yes, no matter how much he hurt me, I still care about him.I have not talked to any guy, I have turned down every guy who has ever approached me, I compare him to everyone I meet or even see, even if he was my first boyfriend.Its ------ up but Im in love with a man who is married.Im sorry if any of this doesnt make sense but i just need some sort of advice or answers on how to help me get over him. I understand that maybe I should have taken the hint along time ago that he was and IS married but it's hard to let go of soemthing I dont think I'll ever have again.I've been struggling to get him out of my everyday thoughts for 7 months now but I can't make it stop. I dont go through 15 minutes without his name popping into my head. Everything I've ever done with him, everything that was ever said plays im my head like a damn broken record and I just cant seem to Make it stop. PLEASE, someone im in desperate need of answers or tips or advice.I cant even talk to my bestfriend about it anymore because she's been hearing it every single day for the past 7 months. I think I might lose her friendship over soemthing so selfish. I love him and I dont want to lose him as a friend I just wanna be able to let go of him emotionally and not be so stuck on him like how i am. because right now I feel that even if his wife is there in Texas and I had the money to fly up there to see him, I'D DO IT. no matter the risks cuz i'd drop everything to be with him, including my bestfriend. Thats how strong I feel about it all. HELP ME PLEASE.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): When a person is in love with you, hell and high waters will not keep them away from you...they will not break up with you. Military training is NOT the reason why the relationship between you and your ex ended. He did not see anything long term with you and probably always knew deep inside that he wanted his ex--who is who is went back to when it was all said and done. This man is using you...he sounds like a loser, but babe you are too young to understand, you are only 17 yrs old and he knows this. So he is taking advantage of your youth and the fact that you don't know. Even if he came back to you, do you really think things would work out in the long run?
A
female
reader, Secret_Lover +, writes (9 September 2009):
Honey, I am actually kind of in the same situation, but three steps further than you.
1. I am married too.
2. I've cheated on my husband with my ex-lover.
3. I have kids too.
I love this man with all my heart, and hon, the best thing I can say is that time heals all wounds...I think just try to make an effort. I've known my ex-lover for 10 years now, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss the times we spent together...oh and he is in the navy, married, and with a son. I hope you can get through this, but I fear that I just can't stop....I love him dearly and at least we call each other bestfriend, so...that's what keeps me going. Knowing that we can just be friends. I think that you have to realize that he is married, but you can JUST be friends, even if you have those feelings for him.
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A
female
reader, AlohaServedDaily +, writes (18 December 2008):
AlohaServedDaily is verified as being by the original poster of the question So it's been awhile, I haven't had contact with my ex since then. But he recently contacted my mom through myspace. He asked how she was doing, she replied and gave him a short update than kinda told him how was I doing, she told him how I graduated from hs a year earlier than I was suppose to, she told him that I started wokinf and all That good stuff. He replied to her and told her how proud of me he was and that he's sorry he couldn't be here in Hawaii to witness all my accomplishments,and how he could be more proud of me. he then told her how he was doing ( he's currently still in Iraq & still married) he closed the message by telling her to 'please keep him updated on my life' he told her he wAnted to know what I was up to and to update him on anything else I may do. My mom didn't get time to respond to him yet. Now. Please tell me who in their right mind would do this to a girl like me, it hella confuses me, what does he want?! I was actually doing absolutely fine before this jumped in my plate. It's like everythne I feel like I'm good and I'm not dwelling on my past with him he just jumps right back in my train of thought it's freakin rediculous and it's driving me insaaaaane. What does this mean? Why would he ask this of my mom?????!!!
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A
female
reader, the married woman +, writes (10 November 2008):
Your story reads differently that you've given more details. Just try to refocuse the energy that you use towards thinking about him to other things that make you happy and strong.
good lucks
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A
female
reader, AlohaServedDaily +, writes (6 November 2008):
AlohaServedDaily is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst of all thanks for coming by with concern.
but i believe your situation with your husband is different.
I'm not 'THE OTHER WOMAN'. I'm not trying to get back with my ex or be in his life. He writes to me. I don't call him nor have I even seen him in the past year. We've never even had sexual relations even when we were together. I respect him too much as a person to try and take away what he claims he doesn't want such as his marriage. I have more heart and common sense than that. Im not trying to interfere with his life or his marriage. I'm not saying things to him like 'i want you back' or anything like that. Im thinking it sometimes to say that but I don't wanna say those things because it's not true. I do not want to be with him. It's just I needed advice because since I never officially had closure from him, my emotions are still lingering. It's not easy. I'm pretty sure you know what first love blues feels like and getting over it is not an easy task. So, my situation is different.
When you said 'I just didn't believe such women existed' it hurt. Not because I feel like one of those women, but because I AM NOT that woman. I refuse to be put into such category. I'm not trying to get back with him. I just don't know how to get rid of the left over emotions. I want to move on with my life and I am most definitely not trying to stop him from moving on with his. He has all my blessings to be happy. I don't know how else to put this but thanks anyways.
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A
female
reader, AlohaServedDaily +, writes (6 November 2008):
AlohaServedDaily is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst of all thanks for coming by with concern.
but i believe your situation with your husband is different.
I'm not 'THE OTHER WOMAN'. I'm not trying to get back with my ex or be in his life. He writes to me. I don't call him nor have I even seen him in the past year. We've never even had sexual relations even when we were together. I respect him too much as a person to try and take away what he claims he doesn't want such as his marriage. I have more heart and common sense than that. Im not trying to interfere with his life or his marriage. I'm not saying things to him like 'i want you back' or anything like that. Im thinking it sometimes to say that but I don't wanna say those things because it's not true. I do not want to be with him. It's just I needed advice because since I never officially had closure from him, my emotions are still lingering. It's not easy. I'm pretty sure you know what first love blues feels like and getting over it is not an easy task. So, my situation is different.
When you said 'I just didn't believe such women existed' it hurt. Not because I feel like one of those women, but because I AM NOT that woman. I refuse to be put into such category. I'm not trying to get back with him. I just don't know how to get rid of the left over emotions. I want to move on with my life and I am most definitely not trying to stop him from moving on with his. He has all my blessings to be happy. I don't know how else to put this but thanks anyways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): My marriage was almost ruined by the OW and till this day she still calls my husband and trys to be with him. He's claiming she will not move on with her life and keeps harrassing him. He claims that she's a stalker and that he can't get rid of her no matter what he say or do. She'll be angry for two minutes then right back trying to get back with him the third minute. I didn't believe him until I read your forum. I just didn't believe such women existed.
My purpose isnt to put you down in any way at all. Listen, don't settle for whatever time a man is willing to sneak in with you. You are really cheating yourself. You want a person that will be there for you in the morning, noon and night. Don't make being with him your challenge and don't feel as if you "lost." you really won because you got out before any children came about. you want your children to be able to wake up every morning and see mommy AND daddy. It's a great feeling. trust me. Don't cheat yourself move on and be happy!
good luck
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A
female
reader, AlohaServedDaily +, writes (30 October 2008):
AlohaServedDaily is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for that, you have no idea how good it feels for someone to show that kind of support, a little goes a long way.
im seriously struggling. i will definately take your advice. i need all the help i could get. again, thanks!
and im definately could take a look at that book.
much love.
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