A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi If you were seeing someone on a sex only basis because you were both in relationships, would it be reasonable to assume that when one of you (i.e. him) goes on holiday with his girlfriend for a month, that he will not contact you during that time, but will contact you when he gets back? It is a little complicated but basically I met this guy I liked and we know the score with each other, it is a bit of fun. He made it clear he loves his girlfriend, but says he wants me for sex. I have met him twice so far. Both times we went pretty far but not all the way, and both times he told me he liked me, emailed me after wards, spoke about next time. The last time I saw him was 3 weeks ago before he went away for work. That time, he said he liked me, said he didnt know when he could see me again due to work. The next day i got an email from him saying he missed me and was sad we couldnt meet. Then he went away. A few days later it was my birthday, he texted me from his work mobile to wish me a happy birthday and said he was sad he couldnt meet me. He also said that this was his work mobile number. (I assumed it was a green light to text back once in a while as he was going to be away for ages) 4 days later I had heard nothing from him, so i texted and he replied saying he missed me loads again. 4 days after that i texted again to see when he was back (I knew that after this work trip he was going to go back to his home country for a month, but hoped I may see him in between if there was a spare day) So i texted and said when are you back. He replied to say he was back now but in 1 hour he was leaving for his months holiday. He said he missed me too and would send an email later. I never got an email and have heard nothing since, it has been 2 weeks now. He works driving coaches and that takes him away for long periods of time, most recently abroad for 2 weeks. When he is back home I see him whilst he is at work, accompanying him on coach trips (this has happened twice, it is a new relationship) He is not from this country and has moved here with his girlfriend, he told me he has been caught out before and so the girlfriend checks up on him all the time. He has no friends here and they live in each others pockets. Consequently, he has no opportunity to see me outside of work, cos she knows his working hours and he wont even give me his personal mobile number in case I text and she finds it. I doubt he has found someone else to have on the side due to the fact he hasnt even been in this country lately and he would not be able to meet anyone apart from through work, plus I am a safe bet for him because I am not likely to want him to leave the girlfriend. So he is due back in 3 weeks and i need to know whether he is likely to get in touch. I did send him emails when he was working away and he may have opened those up when he got home and thought "oh christ, shes really into me", but I only sent them cos i didnt know when he was back and didnt have his work number at that point. I have only sent him 2 texts and if he didnt want me to text then surely he wouldnt have texted me first on my birthday and given me his number? Maybe he did get bored and thought this month apart would let it fizzle out, but then why did he say he missed me the day he was leaving? and why even return that text on the day he left? I know he is with his gf and i dont expect regular contact, but im wondering if it will go back to how it was when he gets back. why did he not email? Did he intend to and run out of time or did he just say that hoping that i would get the hint? I really wouldve thought though that if he didnt want to see me again, he would have just not texted back or at least texted something quickly and left out the bit about missing me? When i last saw him we were talking about next time and knew this big break was coming. I have texted once to his work fone but he hasnt replied, i guess it is turned off as he is on holiday. If guys want to end a fling, do they do it by promising they will email and then not? Do they bother telling you they miss you? Do they reply to your texts up until a certain point? I did think that he may have just replied to me in case I continued to text or rang his work number and the gf was with him or something i.e. he sent a text to keep me quiet. I have no reason to believe he wouldnt want to see me. The only thing is if he thinks by me texting him twice that i broke some rules. BUt he was just as bad in that case cos both times he replied with general chit chat and said how much he missed me! What do i do? What do i think? I have totally overanalysed this i know and if anyone is still reading, what's your advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): he says those things just to keep you hooked enough for when he needs it again...he's losing interest...maybe he's found someone else to poke...or finally started to realize what he's doing is wrong....btw....people like you make me really angry.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Hi Well yes a few days after i posted he did email me saying how he was very busy on his holiday and would like to see me when he got back. I relaxed a lot after that! Then i sent an email back saying i was looking forward to seeing him. Well 2 days ago he emailed me to say he was now back, but was working a lot and hinted at the prospect of seeing me in a couple of days then just signed off by putting "got to go now, bye" I dont know if i am reading too much into it or not. He used to be really keen about wanting to meet me, saying he missed me etc and this time it was a little bit cold. So today i rang him and he said he was very very tired, but still didnt seem overly keen on meeting me. We chatted for 20 mins tho and it was ok. I texted him after to say it was good to talk to him again and i was glad he was back but he never replied. I keep thinking he wouldnt have emailed those times and wouldnt have answered his phone if he didnt want to meet again would he??It has been 7 weeks since i saw him, which would have been easy for him to just drop contact, but he didnt. Am i reading too much into his lack of enthusiasm?
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (20 August 2009):
 What happened? did he get in touch again? x
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (7 August 2009):
You sound just the way I feel right now. Have you ever read that book' 'He;s just not that into you' by Greg Berhardt and Liz Tucclliio - it does help a bit - even though it's silly in places. I think you need to delete this guys number so you don;t text him or call him again. I KNOW IT'S HARD!! but at least that way you can sit back and see what he does if anything. Also, try going out with someone else - quickly - it will yo get you over him faster. He is probably enjoying the attention of you calling him, and will wonder what has happened if you just stopped. Do you love this guy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): Oh so you think he will get in touch then when his holiday is over?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 August 2009):
He doesn't give a toss about you.
Probably the sex was quite good on his holiday and since things are going well with the girl he actually CARES about, he's not going to bother trying to use you for sex any longer.
He'll be back in a few weeks when his girlfriend refuses to do something dodgy and he knows his little bit on the side won't be so fussy.
Get some self respect and either sort out your own relationship or end it so you can go and be single with other singletons.
Good Luck!! xx
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