A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I used to have a crush on one of my brothers friends, J. At one point he showed signs of liking me (I caught him looking at me all the time, he'd be talking to a group of people but looking at me, jump on me to wake me up, ask my parents about me, talk about me with his sister, etc); things never progressed past flirting, so I moved on. When I started seeing someone he became weird ... he threw the adult equivalent of a hissy fit when he saw me cuddled up on the couch with this other guy. After I broke up with the other guy, J and I were on speaking terms, but it felt strained. If we are left alone together we're completely silent, yet if we're with other people and I'm not talking he singles me out and engages me in conversations. He has an on/off girlfriend now, and I consider him a friend, but things feel weird. The other day the only seat in the living room was beside me and he sat down, but got up after a couple seconds and sat on the floor. I guess my question is, is he like this around me because he might feel something for me, or because he's not interested in the least?
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 It's possible he likes you finds you good looking and he flirts with you to see if you are interested. I find about 5 ladies good looking attractive. I want to sleep with them and be friends. Two I want to be in relationship but they don't appear to be that type at this point in our life. Being Im just out of horrible marriage and traumatic beyond horrible childhood events. I don't need to be serious cause I have trust issues. PTS: post traumatic stress. I have zero tolerance for games of love or sex. I look at women stare at their beauty but I will not make a 1st move until I get sure sign which I don't get. I flirt they flirt nothing more Im impressed and I figure there flattered and blushy and impressed.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 Does it have to be so either/ or , so black or white ?
Either he has a big crush on you, or he hates you ?
The truth is probably something in between.
He used to be somewhat attracted to you, and possibly he is still somewhat attracted to you. Clearly not so attracted to turn this from a mild flirtation to something more in the past, and even less likely to take this route now that he has an off and on gf. Maybe he is now in an" off " phase, but, knowing the pattern by now, he knows at some point it will be on again and has no need or wish to start a new relationship in the meantime.
If you have been flirting for months but things never progressed, well, probably this is what he is, a flirt by nature and/ or a not-so- ardent admirer of yours.
I am not adverse on principle to girls taking the reins of the situation, and some shy guys DO neet a big push. But, he is not so terribly shy with his on and off girl, right ? So, it sounds like he may like you a bit, in the sense of finding you attractive, or personable, but alas not enough to do something about it.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (23 September 2012):
If he wasn’t interested in you, this behaviour would make him rude. You’re not dating so there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be friendly if he didn’t have an interest of a romantic nature in you. It sounds like he may have a bit of a crush on you. Perhaps others have figured this out or he worries that they will and that’s why he acts shy and distant when others are around. If you’re interested in him, tell him because it doesn’t sound like he’s going to find the courage to make the first move. If you’re not, just keep being polite and friendly.
I wish you all the very best.
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