A
female
age
30-35,
*issmasso
writes:heya right I'm stuck! I have loved this boy for 4 years now and I have been with him before and we've been on and off for 3 years and now I want to be with him properly and now hes just being agressive and like saying he dont know what to do?! is he just using me do you reckon for what he wants?! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Prik  +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Try to question why he doesn't want to be in a stable long-term relationship. Is he not ready for this? Will he ever be? Does he still want to flirt every now and then? If that's the case, break up or you'll be sorry. How old is this guy? If he's as old as you are, then it could be that he's not ready yet.
I hope that you mean with "aggressive" not as in physically.
My advice: put an end to it and wait. See if he's changed after a couple of years. Maybe it's puberty, maybe he's just that way.
Either way: good luck :-)
A
female
reader, Ms_Iwal  +, writes (5 June 2007):
Love is such a strong emotion for girls to go through, we can get our hearts broken very easily, and time will show you this is going to happen. What young men dont relise is that we girls fall in love very easily and we give our whole hearts. If you think he is the one then be honest and tell him, you might not get the answer you want but at least you where honest and up front about the way you feel. There are plenty more fish in the sea and you have the time to look. Love Ms_Iwal
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A
female
reader, Dojha +, writes (5 June 2007):
 ok here goes....
you love him, he loves you not.
if he is being agressive towards you that's a clear sign
that he doesnt WANT you but he doesnt want to say it in words.
so i suggest you read between the lines: pack your bags and leave. but remember, its his loss not yours.
You deserve to be happy. Your're still young so you'll find another guy that actually drools over you pretty soon.
Tk cr!
Dojha
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): Have you been something of a 'sex buddy' to him? Because you state "is he just using me do you reckon for what he wants?!" And that is?? I also ask this because you say you and he have never had a 'proper, committed' love relationship with you? And now that you are asking him for this, he's hedging, bigtime? What I am going to tell you is based on the assumption, that you both have been sexually active with each other. If I'm wrong, then just take what you want from my below comments.
He doesn't sound like a caring quality guy, hun. I do know that for some guys, his attentions to you were just another way of just saying "I want to fool around." You may have thought sex was a precursor to a deepening relationship with him but he likely didn't. Just because he's an expert at bedding a girl-that is no indicator of his love or caring for her, is it? A lot of guys can keep their emotions out of all sexual liaisons. Females have a harder time..it has been proven time after time. I think you know this now. I can imagine how you must feel. It's time to be strong. You can make make this an either/or scenario. Either he dates you properly or you walk away. You take a risk because if he's hedging that means he'not at the same place you are' so if I were in your shoes, I'd just walk away and try to let go. And instead of being mad at yourself, you treat this as a learning experience and nothing more. Just remember that people who are into sex before they've formed a good, solid relationship are probably not going to be lasting partners. You're not to blame for how he acts and please realize, a lot of guys aren't like him.
What you could learn from this, is to treat dating as a selection process and make sure you and a potential bf both share the same values, interests and ethics. Keep your self-respect and don't sleep with guys so readily. If by around the 4th date a guy won't say what he's hoping for from relationships in the long term, then he's probably not interested in a future. Then you know-he's not worth wasting time on and this is your cue to bow out before you get hurt. Only open your heart, body and emotions to ultimate intimacy with the one you love and you are certain they love you. There are many wonderful, good guys out there looking for a nice person like you, who will be friend and want you to be his gf. Take Care my dear and remember.Be selective and have fun!
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