A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I have been dating someone for almost two years now, which may not seem like a long time to some people but he’s my first and I hoped my last. I’m not really into the whole dating thing but something about him just really blew me away. But last week I found out that he has been cheating one me. And I mean the whole way (meeting the girl, talking to her and even sleeping with her). the worst thing is he took her to our special places. I knew there was something going on for a while now because he hasn’t been the same getting frustrated really quickly and we’ve been arguing quite a lot. I knew the girl to and he was playing us both. She got suspicious and tried to contact me so he broke it off with her. then she came and found me anyway. I had asked him several times if there was something going on and he lied straight to my face. Yet as soon as she told me he started crying and begged for my forgiveness, saying that he only wanted me. I wasn’t sure what to do and dumped him at first but then decided to give him a second chance, regardless of my friends telling me I’m being stupid. It’s just I can tell when he’s lying but he seems really genuine. Since then we’ve been spending time together, not even hugging but talking on the phone. it’s been amazing and he really does make me feel special. But do you think it’s an act? And what about that old phrase, how a leopard never changes its spots??
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 You found out he cheated last week and you took him back already? Oh no, babygirl, you're about to mess yourself up. You only give someone a second chance after they've proven they are worth that chance, and a week of nice phone conversations is not enough for you to be jumping back into a relationship with this guy. He might make you feel special, but for a while he was making this other girl feel special, too. Plus the whole time he's seeing her, he's arguing with you and getting frustrated with you; she got the good stuff, you got the crap. If you want to save the relationship, that's your choice, but be smart about it and use your head!
Only time will tell if he's putting on an act, so make him spend some time (more that a week or two, my dear) earning the right to be with you and earning your trust. He didn't just slip up, he INTENTIONALLY dated and slept with another girl. How do you know he wasn't planning on dumping you if she hadn't dumped him first? Secondly, you have to judge his level of remorsefulness. Is he sorry he did it or sorry he got caught? Sending flowers and gifts and calling often is not proof of remorse. Humble actions are. Again, this takes TIME.
Don't just roll over and give in because you are afraid of losing him or afraid of being alone. Make him work to regain your love and affection.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): thank you so much for your advice. i think i'm going to give him another chance, and drop it if he even so much as sticks a toe out of line. i guess another go won' hurt. and i always can tell when he's lieing. i was just stupid enough to go along with it - but not anymore!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): I think it's an act. He only came clean when it became clear that he was busted. Otherwise, he would have continued to look you in the eyes and lie. It's not like he had a weak moment and has a one-night stand, he actually dated this girl and took her to places the two of you shared. If he only wanted you, he never would have done these things and from the sound of it, he only wants you because the other girl was smart enough to drop his ass. Your friends are right, you need to end this relationship, but it's up to you if you want to continue being played. You're young and have so much life ahead of you; there's no need to assume that just because he's your first that he will be your last. Trust me, you aren't his last.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): my opinion is people make mistakes, he has made one mistake by cheating on you, but that doesn't mean once a cheater always a cheater... I believe that you should always give them a second chance if you can, if he does it again or even if your suspicious ditch him. he might of just made a big mistake by cheating on you and now realises what he had. But if you feel you wont be able to trust him then dont bother, its horrible not being able to trust. my advice is, give him one more chance, if he blows that then get rid of him and move on. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (18 May 2010):
I feel everyone deserves one chance. And if you do love him, dont let him go. You never know if he actually changed. Atleast you won't be living with this doubt as to what would have happened if? But, dont give in easy. Buy some time. Do some tantrums and then go with him. :)
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Hello,
You've uncovered two traits
1) He's deceptive
2) He's disloyal
He's apologized and made you feel as though he's being genuine. You love him, and chose to give him a second chance. Be leery...in some cases yes people are capable of change and they may feel regret about what they've done, and never stray again.
One the other hand it can keep transpiring until you stop it by ending things.
See what happens, but be cautious.
Good luck
;D
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