A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear all, I am in a relationship with this man. There has been a few issues. He was texting his ex girlfriend while with me, two girls on separate occasions approached me and said they were with him (he is quite a hard worker and seen as a good catch) he promised me that he wasn't with them and they were lying to break us up and was extremely upset about it. I have also said that its not right that he is texting other women while with me, he said he would stop and never lie to me again.I feel this has made me untrusting and insecure. He lied about the date to his sisters wedding and I also found out his ex was at the wedding (he said she is friends with his sister and she invited her) i have tried several times to walk away, but he cries and always begs me to stay, he says he is sick and needs help and I am the only one that can help him. he keeps saying to stick with him, it will be worth it long term.He had a very tramatic past both his sister and father were killed accidentally in front of him plus he had awful problems with an ex girlfriend of his, who accused him of beating her up, and tried to accuse him of rape, it was all lies on her part. I am nearly 40 and don't want to waste my time, I have met all his friends and most of his neighbours, I want to help him but at what cost to me. I am still in this because I love him, he told me he really does love me and will never want anyone else and wants to marry me so day. I am so tired as he leans on me a lot and panics if he thinks I will leave. Sorry it's so long...he is 35 and I have known him over a year?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 You are being prevailed upon because he fears rejection and being abandoned again… The behaviour is spelt out in front of you and is just short of emotional blackmail.So if you’re tired now with all this behaviour, imagine the cost of being drained for the rest of your marital life with his begging, pleading and texting!?Sure enough you have compassion and it’s extremely hard to walk away, but at 40, one learns to recognise what is, ‘time wasting’ – hanging around until he gets better or because he says, and you believe; …you are the only one that can help him? Take Care – CAA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your responses. You have certainly given me food
for thought. It's very hard to turn your back on
someone when they are begging you to stay
and help them, each time I have tried he kept calling
and texting, it stresses me out. It's extremely hard to walk away.
I don't trust him completely, suppose I keep hoping this will change.
If it doesn't I know I will eventually walk away, as hard as that will be!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): I can only answer you as a woman who is in her late 30's so i understand what you're going through in that respect and I am in a similar situation with a 30 something guy. The question is are they time wasters or are they not? You can only know from your feelings and how YOU feel when you are with him, do you feel loved, do you feel safe when ur with him, do you see a future with this man(putting aside the bad things that happened to him in the past) Do you love him that much that you'd risk him lying/cheating on you and would you forgive him if he did? or lied to you (again and again)? that is what you need to work out in your head if it is worth it or not. If you think hes worth it then go for it and stick with it, how much do you love him??? or if its causing you pain and stress then let it go. Good luck hun xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Leave him.
He's not your child.
He's not your husband with whom you've exchanged vows.
He does not treat you well and he is not your responsibility.
He's not even making you happy and you don't trust him.
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