A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This post may sound really pathetic but I'm just really confused in my life right now and I hope you guys can try and help me out. I would like to know your guy's opinions on how to deal with a break up from a long term relationship.I was with my boyfriend for the past 4 years and we broke up about 2 weeks ago. I wasn't expecting him to break up with me at all but he said he just didn't feel the same about us anymore. He was very gentle about the break up and said there was no chance of us ever getting back together. He was the only relationship I have ever been in and I have gotten so attached to him. We have even lived together for the last year while both of us have been going to college and have been working. His family was just really amazing and they treated me as if I were apart of the family (I came from a very troubled home with bad parents whom I haven't talked to in years so his family meant a lot to me). I just loved my life with my boyfriend and I pictured a great future with him and I was really happy. I feel as if I was a little dependent on him but I never let those feelings affect our relationship because we did have a very good relationship. So he broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and I now live by myself and my life is completely different now. I have no friends or family that I ever talk to. My job is really the only thing I have going on in my life. My boyfriend and his family/friends were really the only people I ever socialized with and were friends with. I just don't feel happy anymore and I just don't understand how my life just changed so drastically so quickly.Have any of you ever went through a similar situation like this? How did you deal with it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Iv'e been through the same situation but on the opposite side of the fence. I was the one that broke up with a girl after 6 years together and believe me it's no easier for the one doing the breaking. I'll admit I cried most nights for about 3 weeks and had mild depression for a few months after. Like oh-peace said, take it as a life lesson. Especially if it's your first as was mine. I know this advice is cliched but spending time with other people really does help, it doesn't make the pain disappear but for those few hours or so it can give your mind temporary peace.Also don't ever think that somehow you're not relationship material or you'll never be the same again or somehow it was all your fault because it isn't. It might come off as a tad insensitive but in those situations I learnt to think of love as a drug, and it is. The chemicals you release when with that person, the smells the sounds, the familiarity..when your mind and body stops getting those you essentially are "withdrawing" from those familiarities and like all drugs eventually your body recovers and goes back to neutral. It's harder for some and easier for others but you WILL eventually feel better, you'll still have the memories and occasionally you probably will still miss him, but it will be bearable and something you carry in the back of your mind along lifes journey.Hope I'm not rambling on too much and hope this all makes sense,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): I went through something similar, except I lost my best friend not my boyfriend. At the time, my best friend provided me with all my social connections.It was similar to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, except platonic in the sense that we were so close. When our friendship ended, I was lost, alone, and had absolutely no one to talk too. When she walked out of my life, my world walked out with her. I am guessing you feel the same way.I won't lie. I was devastated. It took me a very long time to heal. But there were things that I know now, which helped me in that process. The first of these is, do not stay in your room. This is the single worst thing you can do. It will destroy whatever confidence you have left. Get out there and do something that makes you happy. Go see a movie. Go shopping. Draw something. If you feel you have no friends to talk too, search online for forums or chatrooms which are tailored to your interests. You need to do social things. They are very important.If you still feel utterly alone, reach out to a church group in your area. They have youth nights, and they are welcoming places to gain some insight. You dont have join, just go to a sermon, sit down and listen. The experience of being surrounded by people who are singing and joining together for a purpose can provide a sense of calm for you, and you may walk out feeling a little stronger. If that's not your thing, look up events in your city and go to them. If you make the effort, you will gain the rewards.Lastly, remember that your boyfriend is not walking away from this lightly either. He may have broken up with you, but four years with a girl dont vanish overnight.He may not feel the same about you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't miss you. You were part of him for four years. He is healing himself too.Best of luck, and remember, something unexpected is always around the corner. Dont ever think you are unwanted or unlovable now that one boy has left you. You will find someone else, and you will fall in love all over again. The human spirit is resilient. I have faith that you will make it through :)
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A
female
reader, ohpeace +, writes (16 April 2013):
Take this as a life lesson. This will make you a stronger person. People go through hard times and this is one of them. Hang in there and try to socialize. Stay happy :) things always happen for a reason.
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