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Is he just messing with my head? Why is he saying this stuff?

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Question - (25 October 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2010)
A age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'd like people's opinions on this as i'm a bit confused. My friend, who used to be a fbw/buddy a while back has been acting a bit strangley towards me. He recently was chatting online and said he thought i was amazing and he always has but he lives too far away and it wouldn't work. He has a gf now so i'm not exactly sure why he's saying all this now. I don't think it's fair him bringing all this up now when i can't do anything about it. Everytime we talk online he askes if i have a boyfriend yet and i mean ALL the time. What am i supposed to do now?

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

QuirkLady agony auntHe's keeping the lines of communication open so that if his relationship ends he can get back together with you.

It's all talk. Move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you both for your advice. I just wanted to hear peoples opinions. I just wondered why he was saying things like "you're an amazing girl and deserve a guy that makes you happy" and how he always thought i was amazing since the night we met. He lives about 3 hours away plus works away sometimes and i see him (as friends) maybe once every 4 or 5 months or so so yeah he's not in town very often.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (26 October 2010):

Hi there. Although he says that you are amazing and other such things, plus have you got a boyfriend, the fact that he now has a girlfriend and still contacts you via the internet, seems like he is feeling bored with his life at the moment.

It can't be much else really.

It certainly sounds like even though he has a new girlfriend, that he still has some feelings for you.

If this is the case, he needs to work out what it is that he wants now. He doesn't seem sure.

You had the FWB thing going in the past, so you must have lived close to each other, then one of you moved away.

The distance would get in the way and no, it wouldn't work because of that. He is right in feeling that way.

Perhaps this new relationship for him, isn't quite the right "fit" with each other. Something missing, I mean. He might be missing what you had even though it was kind of casual (Friends With Benefits). Perhaps now that he's a distance away from you, he sees more in it now, that he didn't see then. Some things you can't always see when you are right in the middle of it, but you can see it clearly when you are not.

He might be making some comparisons between this new girl now, and how you were when he used to see you. Even as casual as it was back then. He might be seeing qualities of yours, missing in the new girlfriend. He would not have seen this when he was with you. He now has a benchmark to work off (in a manner of speaking, that is).

So now because of this, it has brought up some doubts in him. It's possible that's why this is happening right now.

This is something for you to consider, so you understand what is happening.

You will have to play it by ear and see how it all pans out from now on.

In any case for now, even if he didn't have the new girlfriend, the distance between you makes it prohibitive anyway.

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A female reader, PLAYFUL United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

PLAYFUL agony auntI hate to say it but he just messing with u move on don't pay any mind to it fine a nice guy and don't let him use u for sex any time soon guy like that like to keep friends as plan B so move on...xox

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