A
female
age
30-35,
*_1212
writes:okay, i've been with my boyfriend for over two years now and it's gone so strange. For the first year of us being together he was perfect. Attentive, loving, always there, we spoke every day and he told me how much he cared about me repeatedly.But we've been getting less and less close it seems. He doesn't talk to me as much when we are apart, doesn't text me back and just seems so uncaring and thoughtless. however when im with him he's like he used to be, not as vocal about his feelings but still lovely. he says he wants to stay with me and that he loves me; but i don't know whether its true or if hes just liking a low hassle relationship...help me try and work out what he wants and tell me what i should do!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ewan Nicholson +, writes (11 November 2009):
 First it important to recognise the way your feeling is valid and does need to be looked at and understood .All relationship go through cycles, but if this “stage” is now feeling like the norm then it deserve serious attention. As you voice your concerns and they get dismissed or ignored, that’s not a good sign, as it reflects either disregard or fear in your bf but either way it putting it all under the carpet. It’s a big thing to know that in r-ship the bottom line is you can do very little about how another person acts or feels. Its something we can influences but it not something we can control or dictate. What you have to do first is work out inside yourself how much you value your needs? He can only be towards you what you allow. This change you have experienced, what consequences have there been for him? In the end you either let him know you not happy and unless he become more attentive and closer that you are unwilling to just settle or routine and “okness”. If you don’t want to draw those lines then you have make peace with the fact he is the way he is. Either way don’t feel like a victim, waiting to see what he does, make your choices, draw your lines, be clear about what you want and need. Are you afraid to really push for answers in case you discover something you don’t want hear? To big thing I would suggest is not to be passive, otherwise we just end up passive aggressive, as we don’t own our hurt and upset. He is entitled to be whatever way he likes but you are entitled as response and take action in what way you like. Good luckEwan Nicholson
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