A
male
age
36-40,
*ickandthemachine
writes:Hi, im gay and i need help, my boyfriend and I broke up some time ago, almost one month, we ended up in bad terms, i have a lot of feelings for him, im still in love even though he really hurt my feelings, i just cant stop thinking about him, once I had a big fight with him her best friend sent me a message on facebook asking me how i was feeling i said it all to her, and i asked her not to tell him anything and she did, but i discovered he was who asked her to send me that message, now she sent me a friend request and as i didnt accept it, she sent me a message again, asking me if im ok, i really want to answer and ask her about him but i really dont know what to do, i feel theres a little hope between me and him but im kinda scared of getting hurt even more, during our last argument, i said i love him and he got really mad when i said that to him, he told me, why i was saying that if we were over, i think he wants to know about me but i wonder if he has little feelings towards me cuz we shared great times when we were together, i also think he might be just curious not in a good way tho...
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (3 August 2009):
Hi there,I would be careful here. Sometimes after separation one can think only of the good times and minimize the reasons for the split. It might be worth writing down the reasons why you separated. What I think needs to be determined before you respond to this girl on facebook is if you really want to give the relationship another go. Make sure you're not going back out of loneliness. If you believe your split resulted from a misunderstanding, lack of communication and lack of skills in resolving conflict, then these these are all good reasons to give it another go because you can learn these skills. If you decide you want to give it another go, your next step is to work out whether he is playing games with you or not. The way he behaved in your relationship with him would give you an idea if he is a game player or not. If you chose to give it another go, I would go to him directly and not discuss your feelings or anything about your relationship with this girl. You asked her not to tell your ex about the things you discussed with her and she betrayed you therefore she can't be trusted. The fact that he asked her to send the message, who told you that? her? How can you trust that this is the truth. The decision you make must not be based on any feelings of loneliness or fears of being alone. You are reluctant to make contact through fear of being hurt again and this could be based on some deep wisdom within you, you'll have to work this one out by being honest with yourself. I would assume he didn't like you saying you loved him because he felt guilt yet this is only my assunmption from what you have written.If you feel it is worth a go, I suggest you risk the rejection and tell him how you feel. If he isn't interested like you suspect, at least you will know and you can move on with your life. Rejection won't kill you, it just gives you a little humiliation which can then give you clarity and direction instead of wondering all the time. Good luck.
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