A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Sorry - this is a long one but I need a hepful opinion really badly! I met a man (I'll call him 'L') nearly 3 years ago and we've gradually become firm friends; he works in offices that I occasionally visit as part of my job (so we don't work together but our paths cross from time to time). We soon discovered that we had a huge amount of things in common ... as well as the fact that he's married (3 kids - youngest 19) and so am I (no kids). He hardly ever mentions his wife and when he does he never says anything complimentary about her (but he isn't rude about her either). Similarly I hardly ever talk about my husband. My husband and I are good friends but our marriage lost direction a long time ago, we nearly divorced but decided to stay together for companionship (that's how it really is as we've not slept together for many years). I haven't had an affair with anyone, ever. My husband has. Now I'm desperate to know whether 'L' is interested in me, because I so desperately need to be close to someone again and I've felt wildly attracted to 'L' from the first day I met him. I thought it was infatuation, but it isn't - I still feel the same way about him after 3 years. Now I need to know what to do! 'L' has been getting more affectionate towards me, especially during recent months. He texts me nearly every day; he's started to phone me for a chat a couple of times each week; whenever we meet he kisses me warmly on the cheek; and the last time we met he hugged me very tightly and kissed my hair. When we stepped apart he was blushing and grinning like a lunatic. We've both developed an unspoken 'code of conduct' so that noone else ever sees us behaving warmly towards each other or flirting with each other (which we do a lot now!). Can I safely assume he's attracted to me? I need to tell him how I feel but I need to be reassured that he's at least attracted to me so that I don't make a complete fool of myself. Could this just be an amusing game for 'L'? I don't like to think it is because he's sustained this behaviour for quite a long time - it's as though neither of us wants to stop keeping in touch. He also tells me more and more about how he feels about personal things in his life - problems as well as successes in his job, his concerns about his children, how tired he feels with demands made on him by others ... no, he's not dumping his woes on me, he talks about nice things in his life too, like how he enjoys visiting his parents or brother, how much pleasure he gets from certain parts of his work that he enjoys etc. He's also really interested in just about everything that goes on in my life. I'm surprised he hasn't made a move on me, but I think he assumes I'm happily married! I can't stop thinking about 'L' and I know I have to do something to move things forward or to clarify how he feels, but I don't know how. Do I stand a chance of a relationship with this man? I've even thought I should simply take courage and be the one to make a move - next time I see him perhaps I should simply kiss him - I'd soon find out how he really feels, wouldn't I? Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Three years is very long.I would say very long.In my opinion he is a very cool man with a positive way of thinking of life.You can both continue like it is going. If you feel very comfortable with him so go ahead why should someone always to scarifies in life.Everybody needs affection and love so you too.He can also become your boyfriend as well,who will stop you after all you are a human, you have right upon yourself too.ITS ONLY AN ADVISE,go for it dear. Have good time in his company and enjoy life.I think i have reply to your question indirectly.
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