A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a pretty big problem right now. My bf and I met through an online dating website. We have been together for about a month and have decided we are exclusive. Anyway I decided to log onto the website we met just to see if he was still using it, because I saw it in his history on his computer one day when I was at his place and he was going through his history looking for something. His profile said he had been online recently. I was very suspicious so I decided to make up a fake account pretending to be some random girl, messaged him and he replied!!! Althoguh he didnt ask to meet up or anything, he did reply saying he thought she had a hot pic and asked her how she was. To some of you, this may sound innocent, but to me not becuase when he and I first started talking he didnt come right straight out and say 'lets meet up', he took his time, so I am led to beleive hes doing the same with this girl. Words cant beguin to describe how betrayed and decieved I feel right now. I am going to confront him, but am not sure how. Do I just ask him first if he still uses that website? Give him a chance to be honest? If he lies and says no, do I tell him about how I made up the fake account and how he replied to that girl? He will probably turn it all around on me for being 'decietful' for making up a fake account, but I think I had every right to, hes in the wrong, not me. Then we have another problem, about sex. I want to wait until we are in love, until we have been dating a while, till there is trust etc. It wont be my first time, but just because its not, I still value sex and believe it should be special. I dont want to regret it. I told him all of this and he said how long will it be until im ready.I said you cant put a time frame on something like that, because with every relationship it will be different. So I asked him, is there a time limit on the amount of time he would be prepared to wait? He was hesitant to answer, so I think thats a sign, the answer is a yes! At first he said I would be worth the wait and he wouldnt pressure me etc, but eventually he ended up saying he would wait 2-3 months, he said after 3 months, that would be 'pushing the boundaries'. He siad he has needs he has to satisfy. I dont get it!! He doesnt need sex with me to satisfy those needs, he has a hand, and so do i...so its not like i would be saying no to all sexual activities as such. I said so what happens if 3 months comes andi m not ready..do we break up? he woudlnt answer that either.I feel so hurt because i feel that if he truly cared about me the way he does then he would be prepared to wait. im not asking to wait till marriage, prob not even a year, just so many months. why wont he wait? arent iworth it? i feel like i must not be. i feel like that must be all he wants is sex. he says he doesnt understand why sex is such a big deal to me and why i want to wait. ive tried explaining it to him, but he just says 'its just sex'. and that turns me off being with him anymore because i dont want it to be just sex between us too, i want it to be more. He also believes that in order to fall in love, you have to have sex first. he said you cant be in love until you have had sex. he said you have to 'try before you buy'. i disagree and believe u can fall in love b4 havign sex. in fact, i expect for both of us to be in love b4 having sex. i told him that and he soon enough started sort of changing his midn, trying to get out of what he said. and then he started saying how hes been falling for me so quickly and how it wont be long b4 he is in love for me, he said he is falling in love with me right now.I have so much going on in my mind right now, i have no idea what todo!please help me, i am in desperate neeed of help. do yo uthink he only wants sex? why would he message that girl on the dating website? do i dump him? will he dump me if i dont have sex with him soon enough? Does he truly care about me or not? am i not good enough for him, is that why he wont wait? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Honey short and simple:I think you are good enough for him but he is not good enough for you. It's only been a month and look at how unhappy you are.. this could only get worse in my opinion.. and life is what you make it so start making it happier. The trust is already slipping away, the values on a very important subject (sex) are entirely TOO different, and he's already hurting your self esteem. EEERRHH. Next man please.~Sy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Hi, From my experience in dating ( I'm 29), the first 6 months to a year is a when a potential mate is on his best behavior. Men are usually "perfect" at this point. Sweet attentive and with no visual limit of how much he's willing to do for the object of his desire. The point I'm trying to make is that if you just began dating and this is his best do you need to wait to see the rest? A man that cares for you truly would not put a timeline and give indirect ultimatums when it comes to sex or anything else. I know it can be hard trust me but you will only save yourself future pain and grief. As for his active online dating profile, I can see how you are hurt. He shouldn't be on there if he is in to you! If I were you I'd confront him and to avoid the whole blame reversal drama I'd say that "a friend of mine is on there and she recognized you from your photo ect" The guy you are looking for is out there but you won't have room for him to enter your life if Mr. Wrong is occupying his space. hope that helpsgood luck :)
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