A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright.. let's start with the beginning. I met this wonderful guy through my ex, (don't worry me and the ex are friends, and my ex TOLD me to get to know him and date him, etc.) We're all kind of cool.. So we would talk on the phone everyday through texts/phone calls throuoght the day, and he'd call me before he went to bed every night. We hung out a few times before he went back to school. He asked to see me the night be left to go back to school (he goes away for school) and right before I left he started telling me that he doesn't know how he feels about dating me just yet, and that he can't do the long distance back and forth, and that we should wait till basically he's out of school. No biggie I said. School time- He started calling less, instead of everyday, it'd be every other day, or every few days.. and I started to get worried so I started bothering him basically acting like a gf which I wasn't, and he let me know that he's not ignoring me and that he's just busy with school, and that he told me he doesn't want to hurt me, etc. I was stupid and asked right during that convo if he thinks anything would ever happen, and he said that he doesn't know and doubts it because I'm being too clingy right now. So I backed off.. I told him sorry, w/e. So I stopped doing that, and things started picking back up.. and then slowed down again, it was off and on due to his exam crap :( I told myself, since i was the one who FIRST initiated any calls/texts that I was done with it, and if he wanted to talk to me HE would.. well.. I waited almost a week, and finally he started blowing up my phone, calling everyday, texting again.. like he missed me.. it was kind of cute haha.. If I don't answer my phone he'll text me asking what I'm doing or if I was busy doing something, or I've gotten "talking to another dude" lol.. which.. NO I'm not..he confuses me so much.. We've hooked up a bit, we have not had sex yet, he's not like that which is good in a guy haha.. and neither am I.. but I'll ask him sometimes if he'd be happy if I was all over some dude and doing stuff with him, and he says no etc, stuff like that.. YET ...he'll then say "Don't go getting too attached to me, just yet at least" that was almost word for word.. I get the don't get attached part it's the "JUST YET AT LEAST" part that freaking makes me want to pull my hair out. Me and this guy have been talking for a few months now.. and he says that it'll all be better in dec when his school is pretty much done with (crossing fingers) but.. sometimes I feel as if he doesn't really like me and he's holding on for SOME reason that I don't know.. he talks about me to his friend because he told me ... or he'll make me talk about him to my friends or something stupid.. idk.. he confuses the crap out of me.He's so sweet to me, calls all the time acts like he likes me then tells me I'm too clingy and backs off.. so I back off.. then he comes running back to me.. and then says don't get too attached to him yet.. why would it matter if I got attached now, since I OVB am.. I'm desperate for any advice right now as i'm on the internet asking random people lol...I don't like to do the "wait for him to talk to you" game because it makes myself go insane lol but w/e.. any advice would work.He hasn't told me his feelings for me yet, and I want to know but I don't want to flat out ask him.. so is there any slick way I can slide it in.. and make him give me a hint without him even knowing!? Lol.. Sorry if it was long.. I'm just at an end here! :(
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female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 This guy is keeping you on a string and he knows it's not really fair because he isn't completely sure of you yet...likely because of the clingy stuff you did at first. There is no doubt he likes you but he is trying to figure out if you are going to be overly dependent on him as a girlfriend or not. If you are contacting him first, ever, or bringing up feelings or relationships before he does he will become wary. Just live your life! Stop worrying about whether this guy is ever going to be more than something casual. If he wants that to happen he will make sure it does. He is obviously playing with the idea. For all you know he could be playing with the idea of dating other girls seriously too....the fact that he is insecure about you seeing other people but won't commit really does seem fishy to me. Perhaps he is the one playing the field. Either way,don't even think about asking him...he will think you are being clingy again. If you really like this guy and want him to become serious about you than you are better off not to call etc...whether it drives you insane or not it will pay off for you in the end. Besides, you are a creature unlike any other-don't you think you deserve someone who is willing to put the effort in. Get busy, don't always answer when he calls-like you said that makes him worry-and that isn't a bad thing. Guys like what they can't have sometimes. They like to concur you. If you roll over at there first attempt than it will loose it's appeal. Best of Luck!
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