A
female
age
,
*idlife
writes:My husband of eighteen years has moved out a few weeks ago. We had a huge row about something very serious and now, were barely speaking. He has suggested divorce. A few months ago, he was contacted by a woman whom he'd dated in high school and wanted to get in touch. He told me that he hadn't, my son found out that he had. So, he told her by phone, that he couldn't speak to her again. Then, we found a cellphone bill for a new phone. At first, he denied it, but then admitted it and produced another phone again that he'd bought, because he thought he'd be caught with the first, as his home details were taken at time of sale. he said he thought that she'd seemed down and wanted to talk to her, but agreed no more contact. But, he saved all the emails from her on a separate computer on a removable drive, but my son found those and now hubby says he threw the pen drive away.Now, after we've split, he's told me after a prompt, that he is seeing her today as she is an old friend and since the split, he's been in touch with all his old friends. He says it's platonic and was clear that they aren't intimate. He hasn't seen her for twenty years. They were friends, after they split in high school, for over ten years, whilst both were in other relationships.Is she an affair? Or does he just want to talk and meet up again?Her writing alerted us to our problems and we decided to make the marriage work, until this serious problem which made him leave. It wasn't a fidelity thing though. He has been so angry with me for some weeks and I think he is having some kind of crisis on top of our problems.
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female
reader, Midlife +, writes (18 November 2007):
Midlife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that. It really is so hard, as we've been together for so long. But, he's adamant that she's a friend and he's contacted all of his friends, since we fell out. He lost contact with them, after we married.He went to great pains to tell me that they are just friends, and that he doesn't want to see her all the time. She is moving to a different part of the country and he has no plans to go with her!He has never been unfaithful, but I think that he is in a genuinely bad place at the moment and doesn't know what he wants, as I've hurt him and knocked his trust well over. He has told me that he will go for counselling, if only to convince me that we are to divorce. But, it is still too early, I think. He needs to be in less pain.I think he needs a lot more time; its only been a couple of weeks and there are lots of issues.Thanks again and good luck for you.
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (17 November 2007):
 Oh my god i really feel for you as this is mirror image of my marriage over a year ago, me and my husband were going through financial difficulties, had his brother living with us and things just seemed to drive a wedge between us, my husband started suffering with depression and started talking to a women that he had known for about three years(up until this point they had just been friends) unfortunately she made everything seem much better for him and of course when he spoke to her he did not have to worry about everything that was going on at home, so it eventually progressed into a relationship.
We went through some very difficult times saying very nasty things to each other and then not talking until i eventually got him to agree to see the doctor, he got treated for depression and since then we have managed to sort things out and have decided to start afresh.
The advise i would offer you is to try and work out exactly where the problems started and try and talk to your husband and see if you want to both try and sort this out, maybe you might both need to see your doctor or even a marriage counsellor, if you both want this to work anything and everything is worth trying.
Take care and mail me if you want to talk.xx.
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