A
female
age
41-50,
*mIKiddingMyself?
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He enticed me to move to another country with him in our second year together and within weeks of living together I knew I wanted to marry him. He moved to further his career and is now 35. Unfortunately, I had to retrain because my qualification is not recognized in our new country of residence. I am close to finishing my second qualification now at the age of 30 but have not yet found what it is I was hoping to find: a promise of a future together in the form of a marriage proposal. We have recently bought a house together which he sees as the next step but I can't for the life of me see it as anything more than just a smart financial investment. I'm afraid of being emotional about our new home in case he decides he doesn't want to tie the knot.Over the years our conversations have progressed from "some days I think you're the one but others I don't" to "I want to marry you but I'm waiting for the right moment" to "you have no idea how close I've come to proposing over the last 6 months". He talks to me about the future, our kids, where we'll be etc. However, he's told me that he believes women proposing on anything but a leap year is bad luck. He also doesn't want to feel pushed into it. I understand this and try to suffer in silence in fear that he will see this as being put under pressure, but I have no family here, none of my closest friends and it is really getting hard. More importantly, I don't want him jumping into this half-heartedly... feeling guilty.What I want to know is: Is it him? Or is it me? I can't imagine letting him go. This is the only thing we ever argue about. It is honestly the only jerky thing he has done in all the 5 years we've been together-make me wait like this. I am crazy about him. Would I be a fool to leave someone so fantastic who just needs a little more time...or am I kidding myself? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): I'm not the question poster, but I'd just like to thank Moo's Mum!
I'm in a similar situation to the original poster and it was great to hear from someone that's had a positive outcome.. gives everyone like us hope that things will work out.
I hope you're happily married for many more years.. and to the original poster, I know how you feel.. it's a lonely place to be. Hang in there.. you deserve that happy ending with the man you love and I'm sure you'll get it. He sounds 100% devoted and in love with you :)
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Why do you need to get married so badly?
Do you love him, or do you love the idea of being married to him?
If you love him truly, you would enjoy being with him - in general - regardless of whether you're married or not. Marriage is often to final step people take in their relationship to make it legally 'official'. Some people are together for a couple of decades before they get married.
I personally feel you need to slow down and stop being so anxious about when he's going to propose. Otherwise if you make a big deal and push the issue, as you say, he may feel pressured and question your love for him.
I understand you may be sick of waiting, but what are you waiting for? You've already got the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Being married to him may turn out great, but it won't change your relationship that much. He'll still be him. You'll still be you. It may change after children (not that that's bad).
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 You need to tell him how you feel, and especially about the house. Maybe you can say that you don't want to add pressure on him, but he is adding pressureon you to live with him as a family when he has not proposed to you even. I think it sounds like he is ready if he talks like this, taht he's become so close to proposing. What I do not understand if why he keeps telling you that he has come close.. yet never did it? He has made it clear that he do not see women proposing as a good thing. But behold, 2012 is a leap year. Maybe you should ask him then? Maybe you could hint about it and see if he understands your hints? It's "only" a year and a half away.
I understand that you don't want to add pressure on him, but the man is a grown man. A little nudge should be tolerable.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Oh boy I so know how you are feeling. I was in your boots 10 years ago! My then partner (now husband) waited for 7 years before he decided to ask me to marry him. I had the exact same arguements with him that you did and like you that was the only thing we argued about.
Here's what happened to me:
After 5 years of us being together and him giving me no encouragement that this relationship would end in marriage I decided to move to another town and do a degree and we decided to stay together during this time. I would travel home each friday and spend the weekend with him (the towns were only an hour apart). Moving away turned out to be the best thing I ever did. In the 2nd year of my degree I became very good friends with another guy on the course and boy did that get my man's hackles up! He finally realised that he might lose me if he mucked around. Unbeknown to him this friend was totally not my type and I would never have fallen in love with him but he was and still is a really great friend. My partner then started talking about us being together forever and having kids which made me feel really good about the future. Once my degree was completed he finally proposed and we got married. We have now been married nearly 10 years and have 3 kids together. I look back on those years of waiting now and have forgotten how hard it was because I did find my happy ending.
So anyway my suggestion is make friends with another guy and do a few things together it might just work for you the way it worked for me :-) Good luck hang in there it will all be worth it in the end.
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A
female
reader, Aussiemum +, writes (10 July 2010):
Can you see the theme here, its all about him....every little thing. When is it going to be all about you? Dont let him keep giving you empty promises and as they say 'wasting the pretty'. Time is ticking, to me...its ultimatum time. But you see...isnt that bad that it would have to come to that...relationships are about mutual wants. If he was the one, his mindset would be with yours. Food for thought....good luck.
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