A
female
age
41-50,
*oppyfields
writes:Can someone explain to me what this guy's behavior means?There is someone at work that I really like and I've always felt there was "something" between us. I'd catch him looking over at me and occasionally at meetings we'd stare at each other, as well as there being an awkward kind of tension between us whenever it was just the two us in a meeting.Things started to get really awkward between us for some reason and so I asked him if he would like to go for coffee sometime to resolve things. He said no.He said that he always kept his work and personal life separate now because he'd had a bad experience in the past. He also said that had we met outside of work that it would have been fine, but since we worked together he didn't want to. I took it as the brush off it was and tried to move on. I knew he had a girlfriend as well, although I'd been led to believe that he wasn't in love with her.After this I got friendly with another guy at work who often comes to talk to me at my desk. The original guy saw us once and kept looking over when he walked past and then eventually came over and interrupted us (he had a work issue to discuss with my friend). I let them talk but when I looked up the guy was watching me, but quickly looked away when he saw me looking at him.Immediately afterwards he pulled my friend aside and warned him about the dangers of office gossip, saying everyone would think we were going out together and would be talking about us. My friend said he didn't care what people said and it was left at that.Then a few weeks later I was having a meeting with the guy and he brought it up with me too. He kept saying he had no ulterior motive for telling me this - he was just trying to warn me about how people would gossip. I don't know what to think. Is he genuinely trying to warn us about gossip or is he jealous in some way?
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at work, jealous, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Hi,
It looks like a simple case of jealousy to me.
Guy no.1 fancies you but can't work up the courage to do something about it, now he sees guy no.2 showing you attention so his nose is put out of place.
Believe me, you are fortunate not to be with guy no.1, it all sounds a little bit creepy to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Guy one maybe interested, and probably regrets the situation he is in. In the mean time, he maybe looking out for everyones best interest in reminding each other that office romance is not a good idea. I must agree with him, I have seen many office romances fail, and so did there career at that company.
If guy two is interest, then maybe suggest to him that you both tone it down for guy one and others (not sure if guy one is a boss, a brown nose for the boss or acting sargent at arms), and socialize after work and keep work at a professional level.
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A
female
reader, Poppyfields +, writes (24 March 2008):
Poppyfields is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Ask oldersister - Thanks for your reply it's really interesting and helpful to get another view.
But really, I've done nothing to make anyone jealous. I am simply friends with the second guy (my friend) and both he and myself are mystified why guy No. 1 is so concerned for both of us about office gossip. To the extent that he pulls firstly him aside and gives him a warning and then a few weeks later pulls me aside to give me a separate warning.
I don't get what you mean by both guys telling me the workplace is not a meat market. Only guy no. 1 has said anything.
But anyway I really thank you for your reply. :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 He may be the office gossip, he may be the office 'weirdo', but if he's interested in you, he's certainly going about it the wrong way. I would take this as a bit of a wake up call, and try to stay professional with all the people in the office, men and women included.
If he's the office gossip, then you don't want to give him any fodder. If he's the office weirdo, then you most definitely want to keep things completely professional. If he's interested in you, well, he has a very odd way of going about it.
You don't want to mess up your career spending a lot of time at your desk flirting, am I right? So back off both these guys, for the time being. If guy #2 is really interested, he'll figure it out and find a way to ask you out, provided he's really available.
Good luck!
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