A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello i have a question regarding a man who is 48 yrs old and i am 25. So, we met on a dating website about 4 years ago. we spoke for hours everyday for two years - he works on a cruise ship and lives in another country - we both used to speak on cam/msn/text/phone call/email everyday. i made the mistake of lying about my name to him... he came to visit me on three occasions for a weekend. i felt that after the first weekend he went distant with me and i felt like it was that he just wanted sex. it happened again and again.. until we had a fall out and didnt speak for a whole year - because i found out he slept with a girl on holiday and then i blurted out my real name to hurt him.. this ended in him not speaking to me for months cause he said i hurt him (the cheek, eh??) anyways, i have a boyfriend now, and have been with him for a yr and a half i love him dearly.lately, the older guy has cntacted me and i told him to leave me alone and that i have a boyfriend now, he said he was jelous and appologised for not speaking to me .. and said he can now see the funny side of things. he called me one day when he was in the pub.. he was slighty drunk and starting saying how much he still likes me and that i am the best he had.. he said that he thinks about me everyday and even when he was with someone else he thought about me. He said he is happy i am with someone my own age as he didnt want to hold me back.. as when we first met i was 21 and ws unsure what to do career wise etc and he wanted me to "find myself". now he is saying i hold a special place in his heart and he hasnt said that to anyone before .. lately he has been sending me messages saying he is missing chattin to me and also texts asking if i miss him...i dont know what to do .. i would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend.. but, hearing all is leaving me confused. as i always thought ht wanted sex. He said we are good friends and that it must be fate - as he doesnt speak to any of his exs the way he speaks to me and says that he believes that we are to meet again and again in the future, whether that is next week, next year or in 5 years time. I know, I shouldnt care about what he has to say if i love my bf ... but, if this guy is legit then i would like to stay friends with him.. as he did speak everyday for 4 years... yes, we were romatically linked at a few points but the rest of time when he was in his own cournty we were just best friends.. is he legit?or is he trying to sleep with me again...i think iv never been able to trust him due to the distance..thanks
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best friend, drunk, his ex, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): itll be okay thanks for the concern,
yeah same here,
i havent stayed friends with any of my exs, but i thinks thats because we never have ended on good terms...
me and this guy didnt,
but after a year of not talking? i dont really care what we fought about in the past, yeah, a year ago i would still be ready to have an argument with him but i dont...
and if i still did have sme sort of thing against him would show that i care ?
so, i will just talk to him normally, as of right now, i dont have a problem with him.. he knows this, and he has appoligsed for saying comments and such to me, ie sexually.
he has stopped and now we often talk, its like maybe once every third day for twney mins or so, not a big deal
its like i have my best bud back lol !
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 be very careful about "being friends" with him... I have NEVER found the ability of anyone to be friends with ex's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): thanks guys,
like i said, im not interested in this man anymore, i would like to remain friends with him as we do get on really well. and we had a blond, obvously frm talking everyday for 2 years, he has gave me alot of advice and has helped me through some hard times, i would never get involved with him again as i believe the relationship he was in before we met on the dating site - he has never gotten over it hence why he might use girls now and then, but as a friend, ill help him through it,
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 "Is he genuine or just trying to sleep with me again?"
He is genuinely trying to sleep with you again.
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A
male
reader, chris-tier04  +, writes (30 April 2012):
When I read the first and second sentance I knew my answer.
This is my oppinion and I am very certain that he just wants to get with you again. My advice would be to delete or remove him from your phone, social networks and so on. Stay with your bf that you are currently with I believe you deserve someone that will be there for you all the time. Someone that doesn't live in a other country and disapears for a year after a argument.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 I don't think he cares what your real name is. By distancing you he was trying to avoid drama. He knows he has no future with you, is not expecting anything, but he still wants to know how much you fancy him. You told him to leave you alone. First of all you shouldn't have picked up the phone. Then you talked to him some more and got sweet talk. That speaks volume. You still have feelings for him, and that's what he wants to know. As long as you keep in touch he would go for the possibility to bed you again. He does not care if he wrecks your relationship. At the end the relationship is your responsibility too, it is what you make out of it. He is genuine in the way that he wants to have sex with you, and he thinks of you sexually, he wants you sexually.
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