A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was out with friends one night and my eyes met with this guy, one of those strange moments when u know there's something there. Anyway we danced and kissed. In all my life this kiss was amazing, so much so that i think about it at least every other day. He did everything to get my number. At first he called me when he was a bit tipsy saying how he loved the kiss and so on, and by pure accident we were both turning on each other over the phone. He asked if i was going to the same club the following week which i wasn't, as it's not usually were i go. So we didn't meet up. He asked me to meet up with him after it but i was out with friends so i didn't.He called me again after the weekend i presume because i didn't see him, and he said he was thinking about me and once again we had the phone sex.... i'm afraid he may just be looking for sex. I have never been in this situation and i don't know if it's me putting up all the barriers and thinking that he is just someone looking for sex. What should i do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): has he properly asked you out???have a normal chat with him if he says anything like that change the subject. go with him and if he asks for sex just say no. if he really likes you he will accept that you don't want to go there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): Has he asked you out on an official date, yet? Agreed to pick you up, wine and dine you, take you dancing? Has he taken an interest in your life, who your family is, what your future goals are? My guess is no. Don't put all your heartfelt emotions and hopes on this guy. He wants to 'hook up' for some fun and that's it and he's looking for his own self-gratification...plain and simple. You are the designated person giving him that. Sometimes, females agree to doing this, to capture a guy's interest. It's a real double standard, at play. Guy acts slutty to begin with and when gal complys, she gets the bum rap. Go figure! He's not a nice fellow, dear. Use your good judgement here. If this guy was looking for respectable relationship with you, he's be making arrangements to take you out for a nice evening. He'd be really, really interested in you and all that your life is.. So what should you do...dump this guy and from now on, do not agree to letting any guy treat you this way. Why would you even like a guy who has shown you, such disdain and disrespect?
You need to learn how special you are as a person and remember, self esteem is related to your self worth and building one's self esteem is a first step towards your happiness and a better dating life. Self esteem increases your confidenceand helps you set boundaries with guys like this. If you have confidence you will respect yourself. If you respect yourself you will expect respect from others. Image is to do with how people perceive you and this will affect how they relate to you.
Take care, dear
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): I agree with the others. It seems like their is a mysterious communication disconnect between you two, how you got there is unknown, phone sex almost sounds as if you want it (the moment).
We all want to be loved, but I think sometimes our imagination gets the best of us. Honesty is required. Be up front that you both click, but you don't want to be just a sex buddy, you want more, you want to find your soul mate. Soul mates just don't happen, they are created. Sometimes, we get a head start in how we click. Yes, sometimes words are needed, maybe never, but when the first suspicion arises, then honest feelings must be communicated. We humans do not have special powers, we can't read minds. Sometimes we can sense something wrong, but we are then only assuming the reasons.
You both need to break this lawn dart game, and set up a dinner date, stroll in the park during the day and get to really know each other better. Phone tag only keeps a short connection, and when it turns to phone sex, I think secretly your building a wall between you because your both hiding something, or maybe you run out of things to say and the desire of both of you is to have a closer relationship, but human nature, the unknown, the fear of rejection, keeps you both at a distance.
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A
female
reader, Saz +, writes (21 April 2008):
Have you tried to have just a normal chat with him, if things start hotting uo try to change the subject to something non sexual and see what happens.
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