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Is he genuine about having a relationship or does he just want something from me?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 July 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2008)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok, so Im a girl, Im 15 and my problem is with a boy, who is 18. Ive known this boy, lets called him "Josh" for little over two years now and we are really, really good friends. We text each other all the time, enjoy each others company and have such a laugh. I like him in both ways, if Im honest. Then a couple of months ago, he started sending texts that were sexually suggestive, which was a bit wierd for me as lads NEVER show me attention in that way EVER! I enjoyed the attention, too so I started texting back. My friends have warned me against him as they say he has tried to talk girls into bed before now and with some its almost worked. The other night we were texting and he started listing all the things he liked about me - he said I had a nice smile, nice body, I make him smile, make him laugh, cheer him up when hes sad and he just loves being around me. Then he said, if I didnt mind the age difference and it wouldn't cause trouble, then we could be in relationship. I would love him to genuinely mean that but Im not sure. I said he'd probably only want to be in a relationship with me so he could get to do THINGS with me but he denied this and said he'd want to be with me as my personality its perfect for him and he needs a girl like me. Another reason that Im unsure is that every other lad thinks (and tells me) Im ugly - so why would a good-looking lad want me when he could have someone pretty? Im confused! Please help!!

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008):

"Why would he want to go with me?" and "Why isn't he going for prettier girls?" ....... LOL....If he's a nice guy, why should only the pretty girls get him......LOL

You and Josh have been talking for two years, and your really good friends. He knows what your like then, and he likes what he sees. Should you go for it, why not. Yes there are difficulties because your underage, and he is a young adult, but as long as you both don't have sex (which will land him in jail) and you keep your kisses and caresses decent, I can't see the harm.

What does he see in you. Well from your posts I can see your sensible, polite and intelligent. You approach things carefully and like to have the correct information and advice at your hands. You don't like to rush into things, you like to be sure. He likes this about you, he also likes your smile, hell, he likes a lot of things about you.

"He said I had a nice smile, nice body, I make him smile, make him laugh, cheer him up when hes sad and he just loves being around me.... he'd want to be with me as my personality its perfect for him and he needs a girl like me...... He knows I have self-respect and he said thats also something he likes about me"

Wow.... that's a hell of things to like in one girl.... LOL, it seems your not ugly then.... LOL. Those other guys are stupid, and they are blind and dumb.

Pretty girls are human, and they can be nice or evil, just like everyone else. Here are two posts from pretty girls, they got problems and hangups that perhaps turn your Josh off.

This guy has many reasons to like you, and if he understands about the sex thing, then he's respectfull as well. You should also probably mention to your parents that you've been talking to an guy of 18 and you have become firm friends. You don't have to say anything more. Josh has been your friend for a long time, I'm not understanding why he would suddenly turn into a sex crazed beast. No sex, then there's no problem that I can see.

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/geek-gets-love-popular-girl-gets-lovesick.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-terrible-about-my-looks-even-though.html

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008):

"Why would he want to go with me?" and "Why isn't he going for prettier girls?" ....... LOL....If he's a nice guy, why should only the pretty girls get him......LOL

You and Josh have been talking for two years, and your really good friends. He knows what your like then, and he likes what he sees. Should you go for it, why not. Yes there are difficulties because your underage, and he is a young adult, but as long as you both don't have sex (which will land him in jail) and you keep your kisses and caresses decent, I can't see the harm.

What does he see in you. Well from your posts I can see your sensible, polite and intelligent. You approach things carefully and like to have the correct information and advice at your hands. You don't like to rush into things, you like to be sure. He likes this about you, he also likes your smile, hell, he likes a lot of things about you.

"He said I had a nice smile, nice body, I make him smile, make him laugh, cheer him up when hes sad and he just loves being around me.... he'd want to be with me as my personality its perfect for him and he needs a girl like me...... He knows I have self-respect and he said thats also something he likes about me"

Wow.... that's a hell of things to like in one girl.... LOL, it seems your not ugly then.... LOL. Those other guys are stupid, and they are blind and dumb.

Pretty girls are human, and they can be nice or evil, just like everyone else. Here are two posts from pretty girls, they got problems and hangups that perhaps turn your Josh off.

This guy has many reasons to like you, and if he understands about the sex thing, then he's respectfull as well. You should also probably mention to your parents that you've been talking to an guy of 18 and you have become firm friends. You don't have to say anything more. Josh has been your friend for a long time, I'm not understanding why he would suddenly turn into a sex crazed beast. No sex, then there's no problem that I can see.

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/geek-gets-love-popular-girl-gets-lovesick.html

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-terrible-about-my-looks-even-though.html

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you everyone for the replies! I won't sleep with him or anyone until Im 16 and even then it'd only be when Im a long-term relationship and he knows this. He knows I have self-respect and he said thats also something he likes about me. Im still unsure whether he's genuine though - I think things like "why would he want to go with me?" and "why isn't he going for prettier girls?"

You see, I DO want a relationship but Im just scared he'll try to use me and scared that he MIGHT only be after one thing.

Should I go for it anyway??

Thanks Again!!! 3

xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008):

You present as aged 15 (underage) and currently living in the UK. Your friends have warned you against this guy as he has a reputation of getting girls into bed. You've been talking to him for two years, and you both have become friends and you have a good time together. You have believed the hurtfull words of some stupid guys and feel that you are ugly and you don't deserve to go out with a beautifull guy.

Why would your friends lie, they are telling you to be carefull because this guy has a reputation. I think they are right to tell you to be carefull, but there is no reason why you can't still be friends and maybe start a relationship with this guy. Your underage, your probably not ready for sex yet. I would tell this guy to slow down, wait untill your a little older and feel comfortable talking sex and flirting with guys. If it's you he likes, then he'll be willing to wait and you two can become good friends again, withut all the sex and flirting stuff. When your 16, if he's still in contact, then probably he's being truthfull when he says he likes your smile and he likes your personality.

Guys don't just go for looks, they are big on personality too. They may play around and sleep with other girls, but when they find a girl who is perfect for them, they change their ways and settle down. So yes, he may have been a dog in the past, but he's young, maybe he has changed his ways.

Your very vunerable, you like the attention, you like to look beautiful in somebody elses eyes. Be aware of this and keep this in mind. Flirting and nice words dosen't mean you have to sleep with this guy. You can be friends, you can flirt, but you need a bottom line. You don't want to have sex with anyone untill your older, you feel ready for sex and you've been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for at least a year. This way you can be sure that it's you he likes, and not only your sex.

Be carefull with your heart and body sweetheart, make sure no matter what anyone says, that you keep yourself safe. There is no harm in this guy, but you need to stay in the driving seat and make sure you are older and confident about his feelings before you have a relationship or sex.

Take care of you, please be good and keep yourself safe... Blessings.

PS: Your still growing, guys are stupid and say all kinds of things. Many women don't become beautifull untill they are 18. (eg: Your body and face are still changing. When your older, some make up, the right hair and clothes will make you as stunning as everybody else. So don't worry, and don't let anyone steal your confidence and put you down.

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A female reader, blondebabe86 United States +, writes (22 July 2008):

Your 15 he's 18????????? oh my goodness wow in some states if he gets caught doing anything telling you sexul things or does anything he can go too jail just wanted too give you heads up on that I mean he's almost 19 so don't fall for that charm one of these days he may be into serious trouble being with an underage girl. Sounds like he plays women. And not wanting a relationship really. But it's up to you and your parents or whoever. Sex is not a real relationship. It's not love.

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